Day 1, DONE.

Only 8 more days to go. (MUET isn't counted)

1/2 a paper done (3 hours of sitting down!), only another 7.5(20 hours more of sitting down!) papers to go!

:-)

Of course, that simply means I'll have to study more than 20 hours to cover everything. :-(

Oh well.

Hahaha.

Business Studies 2 today. Apart from the fact that I (along with 80% of my classmates) will probably get 0/13 for one question, I think, I did pretty well, as compared to mid-terms.

Why?

Simply because I didn't sleep during this paper. :-) Hehehe. I actually wrote nearly non-stop! 7 papers, 13 pages full, 7th paper single side used. *Ah, the satisfaction* (Don't rub in the fact that some answers were pure fabrications, a result of an overactive imagination and I'll be just fine.)

Tomorrow's paper is.. History. Bleh.

Perang Inggeris-Myanmar I (1824-1826), Perang Inggeris Myanmar II (1852-1853), Perang Inggeris Myanmar III (1886-1887), Perjanjian Yandabo 1826 a result of Perang Inggeris-Myanmar I...

The best part is,

Myanmar may not even come out. Some other obscure, unimportant war like Perang Diponegoro may come out.

Sometimes, I wonder, why even bother studying when what you study doesn't come out, and what you oh-so-happen to 'termiss out' comes out. And you can kiss 25% good bye. *muakz*

Hahaha, still, that's why, spotting questions doesn't work.

Okay, off to study. :-)

God bless,
Jo

Will I?

To be.. or not to be... (a hypocrite)..

If you know you're meant to do something,
But it's not what people around you would like,
And you allow doubts and hesitations to cloud your mind...

If you've promised, whole-heartedly (at that point of time) to give it your all,
And face persecution along the way...

If you know you've been called to do it,
But face estrangement, obstacles, jeering along the way..

Would you still do it?

Will I?

Oh, it's tough. :-(

Lord, lead me...

Of Life.

With my messed-up bio clock, I slept at 7am, woke up at 1.30pm. Today. Well, I did set my alarm at 9.45am to go for LYPG but.. ended up zzzing. :-(

I don't know, the urge to study study study is gone. I used to have it when I was younger, the deep desire to do well in studies.

But somewhere along the way, in 2008/2009, the desire to excel in studies just.. well, died off. Which is bad, 'cause without motivation I just won't study. Haha. I won't think twice about skipping a test now, I don't worry like my classmates do when they hear there's gonna be a monthly test.. and I study only when I feel like it.

Mind you, I still thirst for knowledge, and enjoy learning new, interesting things. But somehow the drive to get 100%s is GONE. I find myself preferring to read up on stuff that have no bearing whatsoever in exams, but 'tis knowledge, at the same time.

So many things to think over. Hmm. Is growing up always like this, constantly pondering over so many various issues?

I know my future's in your hands, Lord.

Haizzzz

It's 1.34am, and due to my rubbishy time-management skills, I'm exhausted at this hour. Simply because I was supposed to zzz in the afternoon (break time), but.. I used it for stuff other than sleeping. And I'm supposed to study a lot more. At the rate I'm going I'm gonna faaaaail. Hahahaha. Oh wait, that's not funny.

Facebook is... er, can't find the word for it. I did a quiz 'What's your perfect job', and I got the result 'Stripper'. LOL. Which of course inspired some comments by friends. I was playfully bantering with another friend about the results, and and and, then, this junior of mine in CF must have stumbled across it. -_- Hahaha. He comments, " 'thou shall not commit adultary[sic]' one of the ten commandments".

While I could have informed him that what we were talking was (totally) unrelated to adultery, I just told him I couldn't agree more with his statement. Hahahaha. (No, I don't see much point in getting a 14 year old to differentiate the meaning between certain words.)

Ah well, just a reminder that I better not talk too much rubbishy stuff with friends in public places/websites. I don't want to be the cause of stumbling any one! :-(

I've got the whole house to myself again these few days, with parents away in Malacca. Hmm. I miss Malacca's food. *hungry* I cooked my own dinner today (fried maggi wrapped in egg + onions... yuuuuummmm) but the hassle of washing up so many cutleries after one single meal ensured I'll be eating out for the next few days. Waste time la, I've gotta study! (yeah right) hahaha.

Friday di. Die die die die die! When will I ever learn to start studying earlier? :-(

Take care,
Jo

Before I hit the sack..

Random stuff for today before I enter dreamland. :-)

English Lit time: I found out I can grow taller. My teacher grew taller in university. *There is hope!* :-D

Guitar: My teacher asked if I've ever failed in school before. *duh* I told him I usually fail my monthly tests, IF I'm even present for them. -_- In fact, my name ought to change to Joanne Lim Fei Lear.

And if you've been keeping up with news, wonderful Malaysia is yet again in the international limelight with the latest Kartika Shukarno case. The judge who gave the original sentence must be tossing and turning in bed every night now, bitterly wishing he had just fined her instead of ordering her caned. Some Muslims have asked non-Muslims to stay out of this case, but hey, in a country like Malaysia, people can't just go about minding their own business.. well, we can, but most choose not to.

How tough it must be to govern a country like Malaysia. Haha. Poor, poor politicians.

Okay, am off now. Exhausted. While playing guitar today I couldn't focus, kept pressing wrong notes. :-(

Hahaha.

Yeah I need help.

God bless ya,
Jo

Up up and awaaaaay!

Just back from the movie Up with the Sampat, Yew Leung and Joshua.

Hehehe.

Yeah, the movie was kinda funny, but sad, how can cartoons die! :-( But still, it wasn't too bad, with a relatively happy ending. :-)

Life's good.

Oh, oh, and God is good. Really, really. Otherwise Sampat and I would be lying in hospital now. Or, at least, the car lying in car hospital now. But, hey, we're both alive and well. Hahahaha. I still like having a driver. :-) (Sampat, I'm hiring you.)

Was talking to an ex-coach/friend..

Me: Oh oh, you're coaching in Poland now?
Him: Huh?? Poland???
Me: Er, something like that one right??
Him: Nooo.. Czech Republic... what did you get for Geography!

Ah. Well. All the same lah, some far away land.

Am off now,
God bless ya,
Jo

Hungry!

Haha. I'm not entirely sure why I'm blogging at 4.15am in the morning..

I think it's because I've turned nocturnal, sleeping in the afternoons, and staying awake during entire nights.

Hmmm. because I've got peace and quiet in the middle of the night. I can sleep in the midst of noise, but I can't study with noise. Hehe.

And I'm hungry. :-(

I ought to sleep soon, before my parents wake up and discover I've not slept yet. Hahaha, that was the nice part of them being away for 5 weeks, I did everything without having to worry about what they thought. :-P

After attempting to study Business today.. as usual, my mind wandered around. Simply because I really didn't know what the book was talking about. Pemetakan pemasaran, penyasaran pemasaran, psikografi... I detest that subject. :-( Bad enough I dislike studying, what more to study such.. arrgh.

Oh oh, and yeah, I was thinking, the difference between studying, and training.

Training (badminton, squash-sports training lah I mean) is easier in the sense that, well, if you have a coach, you don't need to rely on yourself to improve. Haha. I don't know about those who train without coaches, I for one know I was one of the laziest cows around that could only be pushed to train hard by a coach. By myself? I never did manage to push myself past that certain threshold of pain without a coach. If I felt tired, I stopped (without a coach). A coach breathing down my neck, I stopped when told to.

Studying, on the other hand. Hahahaha. I give up LAH. Totally. I feel sleepy, I sleep. I feel tired, I rest. I feel bored, I stop. I don't understand, I give up. In studying, no one can push you. Really, it's true. At least, if my teachers are/were supposed to push me, they've failed pretty miserably. It's down to me to do well. And I'm not exactly the most disciplined, self-motivated girl around.

And unlike my younger days, I don't mind doing poorly in exams these days. I've skipped countless monthly tests in form 6, and hardly ever do my homework, didn't do some projects, and and, have been absent for 30+ days so far this year.. you know, all my years in school I've never skipped more than.. 6, 7? days of school a year. Now I'm trying not to reach 40 days! (I think I'll reach lah.)

My teachers love me though. Haha. I think so, otherwise they'll have scolded me long ago. One of the most-feared teachers (dramatic a bit la) was complaining about how dirty the classroom floor was. It was my duty to sweep the floor that day, but I've completely shirked that responsibility ever since the day I was assigned to it. She looked at the schedule, and saw my name, next to an ex-classmate who has left form 6. I braced myself for a shelling from her... but lo and behold, she started scolding the class about not changing the schedule, and leaving this classmate's name in although she's no longer around! Hahahaha. 0:-) (That's a halo on my head)

I think, it's all a result of growing up. Somehow, when you can drive around, go out whenever you want, the thought of staying home and doing your homework and studying and and being good and responsible etc. loses its appeal.

Still, nothing that an innocent face, feigned confusion, and a distraught act can't solve. :-)

4.46am now. Hmm. I'll return to my humble abode now, that's piling up with books that seem to appear from nowhere. Bed, floor, chair, desk, you name it, they are everywhere. Siiiigh.

God bless,
Jo

:-)

Ah. I'm happy.

haha, don't know why.

STPM is coming.

Trials is 2 weeks away.

I'm totally UNPREPARED.

Some school issues going on that make me mad.

But,

I'm happy. :-) Don't ask me why.

Oh, I've learnt to read music notes on the guitar recently. And now am playing from a proper music book. Which, is not so good. Cause I'm graded for each song. And have to pass them (8/10! What kinda standard is THAT?). Which means, I have to actually practice. Haha. I learnt this after the first lesson we used notes, cause the following lesson he actually checked all the songs I was supposed to practice. Otherwise he'll discover that the only time I play the guitar.. is, well, during guitar lessons. Lol.

So now I spend 10-15 mins a day playing. Better than nothing, eh? I find that I prefer reading music notes instead of tabs. I don't know why, more challenging, forces my brain to think, and I actually know which note I'm playing?

Haha, I'm random.

Because I'm happy.

The joy of the Lord is my strength!

God bless ya,
Jo

Badminton :-)

Yeah, it puts a smile on my face. Hahaha. Been watching the World Championships these few days. Hehe.

Today I watched Chong Wei lose, watched Peter Gade lose, watched Saina Nehwal lose. I like these 3 players and they ALL had to lose. :-(

Oh oh oh. And I found out I trained with Saina Nehwal before!

Actually, I really really really DON'T remember ever training with her, but my former training mate insists we have, under Ong Beng Tiong. I've trained with players from various nationalities under OBT, but never.. a player who is one of the better ones.. and I didn't know it???

She's only a year older than me so I probably didn't pay much attention to her because I never knew she'd make it big. Lol! Eh, I'm human too, ok.

I've not played badminton in ages. :-( This morning I received an sms at 6.07am, asking me to play this afternoon. (I have such badminton-crazy friends.) But I had some things on.. siiigh.

And because I've decided to commit myself for LYPG, I've given up my Saturday morning badminton group (that was one of my favourite groups). No, not because the ratio of players was 20 guys : 1 girl, but because some of the players were around my standard, not too high standard. hahaha.

Hence, I'm currently quite, quite groupless, leading a nomadic badminton life.

Oh well. I'm considering taking up another sport. But.. badminton is in my blood. Lol! It's like playing a music piece that you are so so familiar with your fingers just fly across the piano without having to think. On the other hand, playing an unfamiliar piece requires time and effort to perfect it. Similarly, a new sport would require learning from the very basics, and that is the painful process of venturing into something new.

Why, I'm still, still, struggling with the guitar(I can barely even do a perfect bar). Lol. Really, it's TOUGH! I don't ever recall learning the piano being such a painful process. Lol. Physically, and mentally. But I think I went a lot slower in learning the piano, learning one note at a time. Now I'm learning so much more about music in the 1.5 years I've learnt guitar than the 9 years I took piano lessons. It may be a gruelling, painful process, but I'm enjoying it. Call me masochistic if you wish. ;-)



God bless,
Jo

Books Books Books

“The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?”

I don't know how true this is, but hey, I'll just do it for the fun of it. :-D

Look at the list and put an ‘x’ after those you have read. (ASTPM means the book is most likely sitting on my shelf waiting to be read AFTER STPM. hahahaha. Discipline, discipline!)

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (ASTPM)
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (ASTPM)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (X)
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (X)
6 The Bible (X.. not finished yet, though)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (ASTPM)
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell (I'm like super itching to read this awesome book, but.. ASTPM)
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (ASTPM)

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (ASTPM)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (X)
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll (X)
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (X)
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (X)
34 Emma - Jane Austen (ASTPM)
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (X)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (I heard it's awesome.. but.. ASTPM)
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (X)
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne (X)

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell (ASTPM)
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (X)
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (X)
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood (X.. awesome book, gives you plenty to think about)
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding (X.. yet another AWESOME book)
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan (ASTPM.. heard it's great though)

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert (ASTPM)
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen (ASTPM)
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens (X)
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley (X)
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville (X)

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (X)
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker (X)
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (X)
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante (X.. yet to finish it though)
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (X)
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom (X)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton (X.. they LISTED this book? I LOVED it as a kid. Read it a hundred times over, I think)

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (I've read The Happy Prince.. lol.)
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas (X)
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (X)
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (ASTPM)

Results: 26 (X)s, and... 13 (ASTPM)s. Haha, there are sooo many books collecting dust on my bookshelves because I've resisted temptation to read them. Once I start, I only stop when I reach the final page of the book. Which means sleeping at 5am at for a few days in my bid to finish a story. And there are so many books that I lovingly caress in bookshops I walk into, but put them down after debating whether to buy them or not. I love classics because they are so so cheap, you can get a classic like Hardy's 'Far from the Madding Crowd' for only Rm6.95(some of these classic series are even cool looking, hardcover books!), whereas a thriller by say.. Grisham will cost AT LEAST RM33.90(most times, Rm39.90).

I love thrillers/suspense-filled/mystery books simply because they are real page-turners, and I'm just rushing through the entire story to get to the best part, the ending. I LOVE stories with twists and turns, unpredictable. Which is why I enjoy reading Archer's and Dan Brown's books.

On the other hand, I enjoyed many of the classics in the list above simply because they gave(and still give) my mind a good work-out. Instead of going 'Ahhh..' like I do after reading a thriller, (real) literature is like.. well, brainfood. There is just so so so much to ponder over after reading books like 'Lord of the Flies' by Golding and 'The Handmaid’s Tale' by Margaret Atwood, and to just forget about such brainfood would prove an impossible task(in my case).

I love literature. :-) Only the subject is giving me a huge huge headache now because I prefer studying from books for STPM(just studying from books, no need to think at all! How awesome are Malaysian exams? Hahahaha), and pondering over issues in my own free time. But English Literature forces me to think when I'm in my laziest mood. *sigh*

Hmm. It's late now. Do copy this list and do it if you feel up to it. :-)

God bless,
Jo

Hey You!

Do you pity me? Sympathise with me? Feel sad for me? Feel like crying for me?

Well... DON'T! Er, if you want to, I can't stop you lah, hahaha, but allow me to assure you that you alone are doing it. Cause I sure ain't wallowing in any self-pity. :-D

Psalm 68:35 says:

O God, You are more awesome than Your holy places.
The God of Israel is He who gives strength and power to His people.

Blessed be God!

and

Isaiah 12:2 says:

Behold, God is my salvation,
I will trust and not be afraid;

‘ For YAH, the LORD, is my strength and song;
He also has become my salvation.’”

Despite STPM approaching, me still unsure about my future, confused over circumstances.. I know everything is in His almighty hands and I'm sorry if my blog has been used as a rant place, it's really not to get pity, it's just.. a well, a rant place. Once you've furiously typed out things you feel much better. :-D

Psalm 29:11 says:

The LORD will give strength to His people;
The LORD will bless His people with peace.

So the next time you feel like sympathising with me, be well-assured that you are totally alone in doing so. ;-)

Better still, channel that sympathy into deeds like helping some starving kids or something. :-)

God bless ya,
Jo

Blocked ears, Kiwanis Charity Fair

I've been sick for the longest period eveeeer! I've been having blocked ears for, nearly 3 weeks now. Arrgh. I skipped 4 days of school in a row! (Ok, I'm not complaining about that, hahaha) and at one point when I had fever for 3 days I thought I was really, really down with H1N1, since I get fever every few years or so, and even then, only for a few hours. And all along when I had flu before the fever I told others, "No worries, I'll know if it's H1N1, cause I hardly ever get fever." So you can imagine my fear when I realised I had fever, and having a thermometer at home doesn't really help. I laid in bed one night struggling with.. sleep, fever, flu, whatever, and when I took my temperature it was 39.1 Celcius!

So I did the one choice I had left.. I prayed. And boy, did I pray hard. Now is NOT the time to have H1N1 (ok, it's never a right time, but read on) because my house could not afford TWO patients. Partly the reason why I never checked for H1N1 too I supposed, mom really couldn't bring me for a real check up and in my condition I didn't trust myself to drive too far.

But with an amazing God, the fever receded the next morning. Haha, I told God, even if it's H1N1, cause I strongly suspected it could have been that(I've never had high fever beyond a few hours before, even that was in form 2) He could easily heal me. And he did. :-) Well, the fever receded, my blocked ears stayed though, but I had the assurance it wasn't H1N1. Hehe.

And I'm feeling much better today. Still sleep-deprived though, because I had to wake up early to help out with Kiwanis today. That was partly my reason for trying to get well so quick, I really really wanted to make it for the Kiwanis fair today. :-)

It was.. well, it was a case of too many volunteers, even more than visitors. But it was a merry occasion, and I met up and talked to some of the teachers whom I used to work with before. Ah, I really miss the Kiwanis kids. Really, really. :-(

One conversation with a teacher had me smiling:

Me: I don't think I can come and help out these few months lah, STPM coming di...
Teacher: No you must come every Friday!
Me: Huh?? But there are no classes on Friday....??
Teacher: Yes exactly! So we can talk!

Hahahahaha. She didn't want me there volunteering to ease her burden. She wanted me on a non-teaching day to chat! How can you possibly do anything but love such people?

I've got so much I wanna do. Catch up with real friends, for one. A number of different friends have been asking me to hang out, but I simply cannot find the time to do so. I love friends :-) They just brighten your day! haha. Really, they do. Though most of them don't read this blog because I don't advertise it. But still, if you read this and you know you've been a real friend to me then know that you have contributed a looot to my 'hahahaha's and 'hehehehehe's in this blog (and in real life) despite circumstances. :-)

There are people who've basically written me off too, but it doesn't really hurt when you've got friends who really care. (Although those who frequently go 'how are you how is your family how is your studies how is your cat how is your dog how is your this how is your dad' kinda annoys at times, but I suppose it's an... interesting method of showing care lol!) And truth is, I know I've been bad at times too, failing to hold onto thinning friendships until a bare thread of friendship hangs on for dear life.. but sometimes everything is just so overwhelming, I end up being a useless friend. :-( I'll try harder.. when I can summon the energy. Hahaha.

STPM's coming!

And I'm.. totally.. unprepared. My Business 1 book still looks brandnew. Because I've not even read through 3/4 of it once before.

I've stepped down from the CF Committee '09(no '08 for me) last Friday, and well, this time it's really, like, forever. The last time I knew I still had the option of form 6. Now.. no more. I love the CF and all it's done for me, especially in terms of fellowship & prayer. While I haven't actually left it yet, stepping down signifies that my tenure in Taman Sea is running out. After all Taman Sea has done to me this year, I really look forward to leaving it, but leaving the CF permanently is heart-wrenching.

Oh oh, and Yellow House managed to win the GOLD for badminton inter-house this year! :-) Although this year was different from previous years because I didn't know my fellow players at all, the utter trust they had in me to plan the team's strategy was touching. Haha, learning Sun Tzu's Art of War has its benefits, really. Your mind can cover every area as it compares and contrasts the weaknesses and strengths of your team versus the opposition.

That's all for now,
God bless ya,
Jo

Helloooo bloggy =)

Parents are finally HOME, after 5 weeks of living home-alone it's like 'ahhhh' a huuuge sigh of relief :-)

(Although when they returned home they were sooo exhausted and not used to living at home that they forgot coming home means having some responsibilities, like turning off lights/fans, locking doors, cleaning up after making a mess, ensuring cars are locked... good thing they have someone who did it all the 5 weeks they were away. =P)

Nonetheless, it's nice to hear the TV on, to hear the squeaky fan working again when you're elsewhere.. I've been living in almost complete silence the past few weeks!

I reached 240km in a matter of days as I went back and forth the hospital, school, home. My poor Kenari. :-( It's over, for now. :-)

I've been having blocked ears for over a week now, due to a cold. Sigh. No, just having a running nose, nothing else, not swine flu. :-)

BK Quiz '09 was yesterday, it was streeessful trying to find enough recorders and runners. After begging people to become recorders and explaining a hundred and one times what to do to different people, we find we have too many. Lol. Btw, a recorder is someone who records marks, and runners are... well, people who run. :-) *Sorry I know I'm a failure when it comes to explaining*

Thank God that my blocked ears and nose and running nose problems disappeared throughout the quiz though, and only returned (with vengeance) when it was all over.

Exams are coming, and I'm totally unprepared. Sigh.

I'm gonna rest my blocked head now, hehehe, God bless!

Oh why oh why Malaysia?

I'd stopped reading papers for a while, simply because I have had no time, rushing everywhere. I fall into bed exhausted each night, only going online for a few mins at a time.

When I do finally start reading the papers again (all the online ones, can't be bothered to buy the real newspapers), lo and behold, what do I read about?

The death of Teoh Beng Hock. (Just google it up if you're going 'huh?!') I suppose most people who join the opposition parties in Malaysia know(somewhere deep in their hearts) that Teoh's death and the questions it entails is not something unexpected, more of a question of 'when'. Considering all the political upheaval that is currently going on, I honestly don't think it'll stop here.

And if any of you saw the pictures, you have to wonder about the condition of Teoh's pants. When I first saw the picture, my only thought was that he fell on something sharp that tore his pants. But no, that would have impaled him, and his body doesn't look impaled. I hate the direction of where this case seems to be going...

One Mkini reader wrote in that such deaths have happened before, but no uproar occured simply because those involved were Indians. Why I'll gladly love to take this reader to task, I won't. Someone died after being treated inhumanely by some power-hungry animals, WHO CARES what race that person is?

People need the Lord, indeed.

Update

I really don't like titles. Haha. Am always unsure on what to put.

Anyway, MUET results were out yesterday.

And I got....

*drumroll.....*

band.............

5. *sigh*

I missed band 6 by ONE mark. My score : 259.

Talk about frustrating. It's not about me doing better than others, it's just satisfying plain ol' me. And to miss band 6 by one SINGLE mark is utterly frustrating.

Breakdown:
Listening 38/45, Speaking 30/45, Reading 112/120, Writing 79/90.

Guess my examiners think I can't speak well. :-(

I could have done better in my essay though. It's just the gut kinda feeling. Listening.. let's be honest, I know I have poor listening skills, so 38/45 is good enough for me. =P Haha. I'm not happy over my speaking marks, but.. hey well, everything is final. (Yeah, all the 'if onlys' creep in when you're sooooo close to achieving something, but fall just a point short of achieving it).

As they say, an almost pass is STILL a fail. So an ALMOST band 6 is still a band 5.

Which is why I'm retaking the paper. =P Haha. Just for the sheer reason of satisfying myself. If I had gotten maybe 256, 255, or a bit lower, I daresay I would be happier. Ain't so frustrating, ya know?

When my teacher told the school photographer to take my photo of me opening the slip cause I supposedly had the highest score in school, I really couldn't pose a happy reaction for the photographer. :-(

Oh well. Nothing more to whine about, just gotta try my best in the next MUET exam. :-)

That aside...

So much has been happening in my life I really can't keep up, constantly running to keep up after my own life.

As I told my friends, I went for LYPG last week just to rest and pray with God. Constantly going to and fro home, school and hospital, staying home alone for close to 3 weeks now, it's tiring. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and at times, even spiritually draining.

As nothing remains hidden forever, the Kiwanis Down Syndrome Foundation(KDSF) teachers whom I used to volunteer with heard about my dad. So much for them thinking I quit my Kedah course for fun. Haha. Now they want to talk to me! I really don't know over what. Offer their.. apologies? Sympathy? What could possibly be so important that they want me to go over to KDSF on a non-teaching day to talk to them? I've got to summon the energy to meet them up. They want to see me this week but thankfully someone told them that I'm busy going to and fro the hospital for now. I want to let the news settle in them first, I think they'll be rather frantic for now. Haha.

I miss the KDSF kids. :-( But there's really too much for me to handle now..

Good news, dad will be discharged reallly soon. :-) I really really don't like hospitals. Too many people dying all the time. And we're not even in the palliative ward. I can only imagine the number of deaths in the palliative ward every day. Even in normal wards where people are supposed to recover but never do.. what more a ward where people are expected to die?

Well, each one of us will never know how much more time we have left on earth. (Though honestly speaking I'd prefer it I go after my parents, nothing more painful for a parent than to bury your own kids.)


1 Corinthians 15: 54-58

⁵⁴ So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”

⁵⁵ “ O Death, where is your sting?
O Hades, where is your victory?”

⁵⁶ The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. ⁵⁷ But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
⁵⁸ Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

So so so many people have been telling me to 'be strong', treating me like a really fragile cup. Well, I'm fine, after all, I've got a God who will never give me more than I can handle. And all that is going on is building me up for something more in the future. I don't know what, but that's what I was told. =)

Well, that's all for now. :-) Have a wonderful day ahead of you!

God bless you loads,
Jo

14th July

Hey ko,

How's life up there?

I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm definitely not where I thought I would be a year after this post. Life has changed so so so very much, drastically and permanently. I'm glad you're not here to experience it.

Did you know all these would happen? It's been 11 years now. I'm now of legal age (I'm still exploring what this means) and drive myself practically everywhere now. Not much of a choice, really. I wish I still have a driver, but I can't very well stay a baby forever, can I? I'm much more independent now, being forced to live home alone plenty, to find my own meals, to wake myself up and drive myself to school, to go out and buy the things I need.. not by choice, I miss hearing the television on, the clutter of things being done around the house as I sit in my room.. just the company of mom and dad at home, really. Knowing that things are going well, for the moment.

I miss studying without having to worry about anything. I used to be able to study without having to worry where my next meal would come from. Now I'm struggling to find the time to sit down and study. I used to have the time to play as much badminton as I wanted. I've not touched a racket in months. :-(

I never imagined I'd watched someone die before my very eyes, even worse, the heart-wrenching sight of his wife weeping silently. Her solemn and painful advice to mom, "Take care of your husband, I no longer have mine."

I no longer harbour dreams of ending up in some prestigious university or getting a scholarship. Somehow they no longer seem to be of great importance to me. What changed me?

Well, it's been 11 years since you've gone, and we'll meet someday again, k? I don't know when, I don't know how, I just pray I'll remain strong enough to meet you. :-)

By the way, I gave you a smiley face because I think you're just like me, always a round round smiley. :-)

Love ya loads!
Jo

Hmm..

Something has changed. For the better. :-)

I now look forward to prayer meetings, services, gatherings.

Our God is an awesome God!

God bless ya loads too,
Jo

Life ain't easy

Oh yeah, life ain't easy.

Spent my week going to school, spending my whole afternoon & night in the hospital, returning home late night to sleep, and repeating the whole cycle. I spent my Saturday and Sunday in the hospital though, 'twas a relief not to have to go to school. Will probably continue this cycle for another week or so. I've learnt to appreciate family and I'm starting to detest being home alone. It was a novelty before, it's a necessity now, hence rendering it abominable.

I've seen things the past few days I never thought I'll see without puking. (No, I didn't puke, I took it in stride with everything else.) I've even seen intestines, not that bad. ;-)

Still, I thank God, as in, really really thank God for my friends who have kept my family and I in prayer. Thanks for the hospital visits too. :-) It truly touches me when people who've never even SEEN my dad before visit him. My classmates are pretty much ignorant, hence them constantly trying to take advantage of some things, but a few good friends are more than enough for me. :-)

Though I doubt those who've been keeping me in prayer read my blog, still, thanks loads, your smses and messages and prayers have truly sustained my family and I during trying times like these. I'm sorry if I've been such a lousy friend lately, I've just been too busy trying to keep up with life.

I've got to go now. Have to face these teachers tomorrow. It's really burdensome, with teachers nagging and scolding and giving a hard time. Life is so much easier if they'll just let me sleep in class. So much for teachers being your loco parentis and school being your 2nd home. Instead I get nagged when I take the occasional day off. Hey, every one needs a break from prison every once in a while, you know?

God bless,
Jo

Death death death cancer cancer cancer death cancer death..

I hear of people 'losing their battle to cancer' nearly everyday. In those exact words.

It's tiring.

Thank God for supportive friends. Very very few of them, but a few who really care is better than hundreds who can't care less.

It's so so easy to slip into a hermit shell and remain there at times.. as I'm prone to do during class, while my classmates all around me create havoc with their everyday happy-go-lucky lives.

Oh well. I'm gonna be done with school really soon. :-)

My final year in school, 400m bronze, 4 X 400m gold, 1500m I lost(5th place). I usually lose my short-distance events and win my long distance events.. but this year I'm just not up to it lah. Somehow I won a couple of medals though, and I'm grateful for that.

I marched for the 1st time in my secondary school life, for yellow house, won 3rd place. I'm sunburnt and will never ever march like that again. I'll have to figure something out for NS, my shoulders can't take maintaining such awkward positions for a long time ever since I dislocated them multiple times.

Hope that neutralizes a supposedly 'morbid' post. :-)

God bless,
Jo

Hmm.

Well, I did poorly.. for mid terms.. as expected lah, I supposed. 1 A, 1 B+, 1 B, 1 C+. Econs, History, PA(thanks to some big big blunders in my essays), and Business respectively. Utterly disappointing, I'm angry at myself for this. Too little effort put in, when it's most important too. Don't think I've ever felt angry at myself before. Then again, doing badly before form 6 wasn't a big deal. Now it is. In so many ways.

Won gold for my 4 X 400m event, lost my 1500m(5th place... how lousy is that!), in finals for my 400m.. Sports Day this Friday, I hope I don't embarrass myself in front of the whole school.

Everything I've mentioned seem so insignificant now. So trivial.. nothing concerning life... and death...

Oh well.

Life ain't easy.

A pastor told me he saw the word 'strive' as he prayed for me. Is this what strive is? Why???

So so many questions, so few answers.

Just when things were going well..

I'm tired. :-(

Frustration

Anger.

Questions.

Really, I don't know.

Crap.

Back to school in 8 hours time.

Sigh.

Ironical, ain't it? The same school that seeded my desire to become a teacher killed off the very same dream in a span of few months. All thanks to power-crazy people.

Few more months to go. I better start studying. :-(

God bless,
Jo

Compromise

The world has many definitions on this word. Just look up any dictionary.

To me, compromise would be (attempting) to please myself (o vile flesh of mine!) and at the same time, God.

Which, isn't possible. On God's side, anyway. If you look at it from my point of view, 'hey, I'm happy, I'm following God's command(though not exactly, but better to follow some than not at all), what's wrong?'

What's wrong? PLENTY.

Revelation 3:14-18 says,

¹⁴ “And to the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write,
‘These things says the Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God: ¹⁵ “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. ¹⁶ So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth. ¹⁷ Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked— ¹⁸ I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see.

Why compromise? Because it's the safest thing to do. You don't get hurt, people don't hate you, at the same time you can remain in your comfort zone that you're a Christian who is going to heaven.

I used to think whatever choices I made, whatever happened to me, it would just affect me and me alone. *wry* That made serving God so easy. How wrong I was! I'd failed to realise that I am placed in a world with other human beings around, that this made serving God so much harder. When loved ones around me got hurt by my decisions, that was the worst feeling I've ever felt. Suddenly I realised, 'Uh-oh. I've got to face consequences for decisions I make.' When worldly expectations pile on my shoulders, when I'm expected to use my brains for worldly gains. You have any idea how much I wish I wasn't expected to do well in studies??

When the world tells you how much there is to gain in this world. How much money there is to be made. How much pleasure there is. It gives you a taste of how much you can really enjoy this life. At the same time, I can continue on the charade of being a pious Christian, going to church, serving in church..

And yet.. Matthew 6:24 says,
“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.

At the rate this world is going, so so many people seem to be serving both. Which is fine with Satan. Oh, I'm sure he is happy enough with Christians who compromise. Ever heard of the slow-boiled frog theory(true or not you decide)? We allow compromise little by little.. until.. to what extent? Till it's too late?

But I'm not here to please Satan. He has got more than enough people in his clutches, though that greedy guy wants more.

Galations 1:10 says,
For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

Does compromising please God?

The Past...

How many times do we look back at the past and were proud of what we had achieved?

I look back at my past and find almost NOTHING to be proud of, I find more things to be ashamed and bitter over, really. Sure, I got 12A1s for SPM. How did I achieve that? By studying hard and putting God aside. How did I get offered 2 prestigious scholarships? Frankly I don't want to answer this question. (Do you know you don't need God to excel/prosper in this world? This calls for a deeper discussion..)

Compromise. I hate compromising on certain issues, but at times you just feel like you HAVE to. There are a lot of what ifs I sometimes ponder. What if I had taken up that JPA scholarship and gone for brain-washing camps.. would I have compromised and raised my hands along with the Muslims in their 'doa'? When I first thought I was taking up the scholarship, I had the sick feeling in my stomach that I would be forced to do so, and if I didn't, my scholarship was at stake. I wouldn't exactly have gotten the backing of my family to lose that scholarship over an issue they consider 'petty' anyway.

Would I? Would I have been willing to lose a full scholarship, 3-4 years of free studying in Australia because I refused to compromise?

I've heard that certain NS camps force non-Muslims to raise their hands in the 'doa', whether it's true or not.. for now I've taken my stand that I'll refuse to do it when I go for NS next year. God grant me the strength to face the wrath of my NS trainers if they want me to do it. I've got nothing to lose if I refuse to do it in NS anyway.. I think.

Sorry for my random post today.

I wanted to go for FWP(Fast, Wait and Pray) today till Tuesday, but... I've been away from my parents way too much. Church camp, then with them away in Malacca, when they returned from Malacca I was off for MYPG that night, on Saturday I spent practically my whole day away from home, with LYPG and Youth.. today I had church and taught 2 friends accounts, only saw parents in the evening.. playing the role of an only child is really rather taxing. But one of the reasons why I left my TESL course in Jitra, Kedah was to spend time with them. It would be rather ironical if I kept running off and leaving them alone at home, what with dad's cancer and mom's worries and all. Dad's doing great, however. :-) Thank God for the number of prayer warriors out there praying for him!

I'm supposed to have 3 school projects this week, but so far no one has contacted me to meet up and work on it. And if they are expecting me to contact them and organise things, I really don't feel up to it. I need a break.. form 6 is exhausting and I really don't like my oppressive school (see what happens when power-hungry people are given power!). The only thing I like about school would be the CF. That's why Fridays are such wonderful days, I consider Fridays my weekend! Haha.

Oki, I'm off. I'm trying to study. :-)

God bless,
Jo

MYPG 3

After much debate and hesitance I decided to go for MYPG 3, Malaysian Youth Prayer Gathering.

The first part of it reminded me of a BTN(Biro Tatanegara) talk, with the 1Malaysia concept and all. Yes, we must all love and treat everyone equally, but there are several issues that hinder all races from really uniting. We cannot just tell everyone, you must love them! There are a few... wait, MANY barriers that need to be overcome before Malaysians truly love each other regardless of race and religion. I learnt this the tough way in Kedah.. there are just some things unacceptable to them, and some unacceptable to us. There are questions that have to be answered before people love each other blindly.

But anyway, that was only for the first part lah. I tried (successfully) to throw my cynicism aside and just listened to the rest of it with an open heart. Needless to say, it was yet another reminder about some issues on my heart..

Now I'm back, with more questions than ever, but stronger than ever. Ironical, eh. Well, they say, as you discover God more and more, the more you realise you don't know about Him.

It was a good MYPG, and I agreed to show up more frequently for KLPJ LYPGs.. so I guess my badminton sessions will be sacrificed in place of LYPG. Oh well. :-)

God bless,
Jo


Edit: Looking back at the 2nd paragraph, what I posted has been giving me a nagging feeling, I think I may have been wrong there. Maybe you can love someone blindly after all.

Extremely awesome camp :-)

Just returned home from church camp. It was truly a wonderful camp, I have never attended such a relaxing camp before, and due to Fraser's Hill being such a wonderful place, I hardly spent much time sleeping, and enjoyed the place itself aplenty instead.

The theme 'Listening to God' was exactly what I needed, and the amazing thing? I listened, and... GOD SPOKE. I've never been so amazed before, and things that I heard made me sure that it wasn't my imagination.

I had fantastic berbonding time with the youth, felt as if I had no worry in the world, and just plain enjoyed myself. :-) The speaker(s), Pastor Keith Lai and his wife were an awesome team, real people who listened to God well and prayed for us all despite not knowing who some of us were.

God is real. Undoubtable. :-)

Okay, I'm off now. Exhausted although I came home and slept few hours straight.

God bless,
Jo

Dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma

Dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma.

That's my middle name.

How how?

First you have SPICES lady wanting to talk to me.

Then you have a youth speaker who tells all about his life as a social worker.

Then the newspapers flash all about special children who are deprived of this this and that that big big on the front page of the newspapers.

Then you hear that the SPICES lady STILL wants to talk to me.

Oh maaaan.

Special education, or not?

:-(

Haha, I prayed over it, and *ta daaa* and all that happened. In a span of a few days!

It's nerve-wrecking, really. No, I'm not exaggerating. Ok, maybe I am, just a lil'.

That aside, I don't want my marks back. I only want back my Economics. That's all. The other papers can BURN for all I care. The teachers can lose them or something like that. As long as I never get them back. Yeah, it's that bad. I messed up my essays, messed up my.. argh. EVERYTHING LAH.

Oh goodness. Forget about 5 As. I'll be happy if I get a place in a nearby uni.

I've not gone back to Malacca in AGES and AGES. :-(

I've not gone to Kiwanis in AGES and AGES.

I've hardly had time to myself, for myself in AGES and AGES.

I miss my previous life soooo much. Siiiigh. Life in those good ol' days.

I've got different people pouring out different problems onto me, and that just adds somemore burden unto my heavy shoulders. Now, I really don't mind helping my friends, comforting, whatsoever. Just that all these problems just remind me that life ain't a rosy bed of thornless roses that I can lie comfortably in. If I'm having problems, so are those around me. And you just wish you can take away all their problems, but you can't.

I can't seem to summon the energy to study as I used to. I try to in school, then I go home and sleep my day away. Or online my day away. Or daydream my day away. Or pick up one good novel and spend my whole time on it. Or blog. Or go out with friends(which isn't bad, but simply means I'm not studying either).

Expectations lie heavily on my shoulders, and I detest it. I want to live up to MY standards, not someone else's standards. I want to do what my heart desires, not what others think I'm capable of doing. Heck, if my favourite job is picking up thrash by the roadside then I want the freedom to do it, not lock myself up in some mega huge company and slug my day away in front of some gadget.

I've got sooo much on my mind. How how how.

Perhaps it's just God calling me back to Him..

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I'm exhausted.

Have a blessed day.

And thank God for friends :-)

Jo

=)!

LAST PAPER TODAY! In 4 hours time! =D

So excited. Hahahaha. 10.25am faster cooooooome!

On the brink of failure...

I came home today knowing that how much effort I put in my Business 1 today would pretty much decide if I pass my Business Paper, or not.

I ended up sleeping till 6pm. Talk about hopeless! And I'm onlining now. Haiz.

Haha. No more hope di.

I've been playing toooo much lah this year. How how how? STPM is overly important for me to fool around like that. *sigh*

hahaha.

Tomorrow is my last day of mid-terms! =D Yaaaaaaaaay. I'll relax for a while, then I really WILL study. Haha.

Nothing like doing badly to spur you to work harder.. right? Right? I don't know, I've never done this poorly before in my whole schooling life so I really don't know if this will spur me on, or demotivate me. Lol.

Badminton! :-) My precious. Haha. Soon soon.

God bless,
Jo

SPICES of life.. And just when I thought...

That my future was decided, laid out. Haha. God never, ever ceases to remind me that He and He alone has a hand in my future, if only I'll allow him to intervene.

My target since entering form 6 has been simple, really. Do well, try to get a place in UM, Bachelor of Arts, major in English.

Simply because special education is way too limited in Malaysia, and I had this bright idea of doing a degree in English first, then only I'll think of special education.

And then I hear today.. about... well, this lady from SPICES (about educating mentally-handicapped kids-http://www.malaysiancare.org/index.cfm?menuid=12) wants to meet me. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that! She heard about me after my many months of volunteering in Kiwanis Down Syndrome Foundation(KDSF), and told someone I know that she wants to talk to me about my 'career options'. Which I suspect will tie in closely with SPICES.. since they are looking for teachers. The assurance she gave that she'll 'let me complete STPM first' was HARDLY comforting, that means that the idea of me quitting STPM to join whatever she has in mind(too complicated to explain here) was even present.

Which, of course, isn't... well, the best news I've heard in my entire life. Oh, maybe a few months ago when I was so gung-ho about special education I would have readily gobbled up any offer she made.. although I hardly think I should start working now(eh I DON'T WANT TO WORK YET OKAY).. but then so many other options seemed to be opening up to me, and doors to enter the special education field seemed to be getting fewer and fewer. So hey, I thought, working as something else and volunteering as I've done in KDSF at the same time would be the perfect option. Yes, I don't know if I'll actually have enough time for that, but... dreams are there for a reason.

You know, when one's eyes are opened to all one can do in this world.. suddenly, the thought of limiting myself doesn't seem that appealing anymore. The past few months I've been discovering changes within myself, no longer the quiet, accepting-everything kinda girl.. and... well, that kinda changes my perspectives on what I can work as.

I mean, if I can earn 10k a month, why settle for 2k? If the job prospects are so much better in the corporate world... why settle for something less? If one's hard work is rewarded by climbing higher and higher, earning more and more, achieving the peak of Maslow's pyramid... why choose a life that shows hard work sometimes won't get you anywhere?

And then I realised.. I've been viewing things through secular eyes. Everything this world has to offer, I want to get it. It's only fleshly, human-nature that puts such desires in my heart... With the changes I mentioned earlier I now know that it is so much easier to reach the top in anything.

But though it pains me, if God calls me, I will go wherever He wishes. I don't want to be caught within the clutches of this world.. really, I don't. My flesh may desire for it but my heart yearns for something greater.

*sigh* I'll give this SPICES woman(not Spice girls!) a shot lah..

Just when I got over the 'how much would I give up?' nagging thought I've been having.

God bless & pray with me ya,
Jo

Since I've stopped training..

I've stopped training badminton since November last year.

Which, effectively, in my lazy-butt case, means I've also stopped exercising. More so after representing Petaling Utama (my district) in MSSS. I haven't even touched my badminton racket for over a month now.

And because I'm entering a few running events for sports day, I worked up the energy to run/jog today. Yeah, splat in the midst of exams. My timing is perfect, really. (Why, I'm even blogging now, cause I've given up hope on tomorrow/today's paper.)

And I took 40 mins to cover 3.5km. Talk about pathetic!!! Even in my fatter days before I ran 3km under 18 mins! I used to cover 1.5km under 7 minutes. All rather pathetic figures I know, but hey, I never did train to be a runner.

But now? It's horrible terrible vegetable!

*sigh*

Maybe I should go back to training. Haha. My coaches sure knew how to push me hard. "The slowest fella has to run 10 rounds!", "One mistake 10 push ups!"....

Otherwise I'll never push myself beyond what I THINK I can stand. My coaches used to push me beyond limits I never even knew I had.

*Why am I worrying over this when I'm not even sure if I'll pass my Business paper in 7 hours time?*

Hahaha. I've never been so ill-prepared for an exam in my 18 years of living as I am for this mid-term exam. My mind has entered the 'don't-care-anymore mode' and I'm doing nothing to get rid of this mentality. All a result of my constant playing throughout my form 6 life thus far. And to imagine, it's my most important exam ever, considering I need to do well in STPM to get a place in university.

12.30am. Hmm. Should I... a) sleep b)study c)watch a movie d)continue surfing the online world?

I think I shall call it quits to my wonderful day of playing, tv-watching, onlining, lil' bit of studying and just catch some zzzs. What sayeth thee? ;-)

And, of course, prepare myself for the eventuality of getting the lowest marks I've ever gotten before in an exam for tomorrow/today's paper.

Oh well.

I'm off now,
Jo

Hahaha...

Exams are coming...

And I daresay I've never been THIS unprepared throughout all my schooling years as this time.

Partly due to my entering form 6 5 months late(which mostly serves as a lousy excuse)..

Partly due to the fact that it's form 6 and I've discovered 1 week is hardly enough to catch up on form 6 work.. don't pray pray man, form 6! Not chicken feet anymore..

And... 99.9% due to my procrastinating nature. :-(

Henceforth, I shall study without ceasing till STPM!

And I SHALL keep to my word.

Why, this blog is proof of that vow.

(Of course, the fact that this post can easily be deleted is negligible.)

;-)

God bless,
Jo

Why I practice the guitar..

Hahaha, it's pretty simple, really.

Because my teacher speaks to me AS IF I practice the guitar.

And naturally I never rebut him when he talks as if I've been practising.

And after a few more of such lessons, I realise I SHOULD start practising so that I don't feel guilty each time he does that.

Hence, I recommend that all teachers(especially SCHOOL teachers) should use that tactic. Instead of being like my current teachers who assume we do not read/study at all, and so we don't. I don't, at least. Haha. Hey, if you think I don't study, I won't.

I should have caught up with my lower 6 work last year however, with mid-terms looming and STPM drawing closer and closer I NEED to get working. Procrastinating gets me nowhere. (Blogging gets me nowhere either).

So, with a solemn sigh,

I bid my blog,

Goodbye...

For now. ;-)

Malaysian Youth Prayer Gathering (MYPG) 3...

Will be held in Full Gospel Church, Alor Star, Kedah.

Which seemed.. well, another far away place that I've never heard of before.

The fact that couple of people in the Youtube video(MYPG promo) looked familiar still didn't strike a chord in me.

And then, as I was studying History a few mins ago(of all things, HISTORY..!) it suddenly struck me.

Full Gospel was the church I attended when I was in IPDA. Yes, I attended 3 churches at that time, and Full Gospel was one of it. Haha. No wonder the people in the video looked so familiar.

And the aunty (in the video) from Wesley Methodist Church(the other church I attended, I also attended Trinity Baptist Church) brought us IPDA people out for dinner a couple of times (at least, I really think it's her.. poor face recognition).

Talk about a small world.

Anyone up for going all the way to Kedah? Melody..? =P Hahaha.

2.12am now, time to hit the books! :-) Catch up later.

Nooooooooo....

Took MUET (Listening, Reading and Writing) last Sat(25th April). I don't think I'll do as well as I hoped =( Despite Listening and Reading, and even the summary/short essay being easier than in trials.. I don't know if I blundered my long essay or not. :-(

In trials I was so close, yet so far from band 6. It's utterly frustrating, I tell you! With teachers telling me to 'just get over it' by getting a band 6 first time. They think it's so simple, just snap my fingers and *ta daaa* band 6! It's reaaaal tough to get a band 6 k, in trials I thought I did fairly well for all except Listening, but still ended up with a band 5. High band 5, low band 5, what's the diff? An almost pass is still a failure. Of course, the higher the better.. haha.. *kiasu*

Yeah sure, a band 5 may be enough. But if I'm gonna study English Lit next year the very LEAST I could do is get a band 6, right? :-(

Mid-terms are next week, and I just started studying last week. As in, just unwrapped my History book(1st paper) from its plastic. I know, I know, LOUSY. Haha. I'm stepping up gear though, thank God for a strong foundation in my secondary school years.

I was hoping to do well in the mid-terms, but well... I guess not. Trials, here I come. If I do poorly in trials I'm quitting upper 6 and joining the new batch of lower 6.

LOL. Just kidding. I think. ;-)

Till the next time I blog,
God bless.

I envy...

I envy...

My previous life.

I miss...

My freedom.

I wish...

I could serve without persecution.

I long for...

God to whisk me away to some unknown land(severe repercussions expected)

Now I remember why I was relatively eager to run off to some ulu place in Kedah.

I'm dying to run off again, more so than before, but due to current circumstances.. I cannot.

And just before my mid-term exams too. Am I destined to fail form 6 with circumstances being so nasty towards me? Each time I try to get down and study something is bound to pop up that leaves me feeling riled and nothing enters my head after that.

haha, perhaps I may as well aim for some uni in Sabah/Sarawak. It's even farther than Kedah, after all. Oxford? Even farther, but considering I think I'm closer to 5Ds than 5 solid As it's totally out of question.

I'll settle for hiding in the library for now. Libraries close so early though.

God, easier trials please. I never asked it to be this tough.

Imagine...

Being a prisoner in your own house. Specifically, in your own room. Once a week, few hours per time.

Well, it's either that or disappearing for a few hours late into the night once a week.

Good thing there are fire exits to escape from.

Ok, you don't understand that, scrap it then.

I'm so tired lately I feel like staying back a year. Enter lower 6 this May, sit for STPM next year. Hey, it's kinda fair, I entered form 6 in October last year and was absent half the time.. Why else did I skip standard 4?

But the dread of going through co-curricular activities and rules and school etc stop me from taking this drastic step.

The Lord has been revealing so much to me these days it's almost staggering. I've got so so so many questions I'm asking Him. I'm tired of struggling, tired of complaining, tired of whining, tired of living.

I feel like running off to a mountain and becoming a hermit.

But since God won't permit that..

Praying real hard,
Jo

If..

If I were to stray from a path dreamed out for me...

If I were to follow a calling that appears ridiculously illogical...

If I were to push aside secular dreams to follow a burning desire...

If I were to do what I have to do instead of what I want to do...

If I had to face salvos of sneers and insults for the rest of my earthly life...

If I was commanded to step out of my comfort zone-permanently...

Would I obey?

Would I dare to leave all I've known?

At this point of time, I feel the answer is YES to both questions.

And that, is the very core reason why I am so very afraid.

Release me from all fear, Lord.

No..

My blog is not emo. Haha. You know who you are, the person who told me that my blog was emo. ;-)

At least, I don't think it's emo.

The more surprising thing is, people read my blog.. I don't exactly advertise it around.. But I don't want to close it to the public either.

Neway, I think I lack some sort of vitamin or other, I've been so so exhausted lately. I had more than 12 hours of sleep today, but I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm tired of fighting against tiredness. Life seems to revolve around me constantly trying to keep awake.

Today just reminded me, if I think my life is in the pits, I'm totally wrong. There are others out there with even worse lives.

Sleep is such a wonderful escapism from the reality of living. Too bad we wake up into nightmares, eh? To make it even worse, to have a nightmare while sleeping, only to jerk awake to find yourself in a real nightmare.

Haha. No, my blog isn't emo. :-)

At least, I don't think it is.

God, whisk me away pleaseeeeeee?

And yet...

Sometimes life just rots, like a smelly, decaying, smashed animal.

So so many unpleasant changes, so so very impossible to adapt.

So many decisions to make, so confused over what to decide.

So many things to do, so little time.

I need your help desperately, Lord.

Ahhh.. =)

God is good, no? =)

Things are coming together again.

Okay, I said that simply because I'm happy. Hehehe.

CF camp was awesooome. Every CF camp, since form 1, has taught me so so so much. I return from each camp changed in different ways, for the better mostly. Up to recently I've never had such opportunities to enter such camps, apart from CF camps, so I really treasure the CF for giving me the chance to really experience God's awesome EVERYTHING.

The pastor's constant reference to cancer constantly kept me stiffening though. Still, dad's getting better and better now. Thanks to all the prayer warriors out there. People we don't know are calling up to inform us that their churches/cell groups are keeping him in prayer. =) Prayer is one powerful weapon. People are calling up to ask about cancer, in fact! It's almost laughable. Yeah, I know my dad doesn't look like a cancer patient at all, what more at 4th stage. He's fatter than me! How can he look like one?? ;-) God is awesome!

All that I'm going through has taught me, and is still teaching me so so many many things. Lessons I'll never forget. It's a constant battle, and it really hurts at times, leaves me so so vulnerable, but at times like these I'm reminded of God's mercy and grace.

And and, I can sense God working in my life now. =) I've a looong way to go, but better start late than never, Amen?

I'm really happy where I am now, too. =) School, church, friends, home, badminton...

I'm just learning so so so much about life lately, it's sometimes soooo overwhelming, but with God on my side, who can destroy me?

2 Tim 1:7 says, 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.'

and

Philippians 4:7 says, 'and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.'

If the peace I have doesn't surpass all understanding, than I don't know what it is. =)

God bless,
Jo

CF Camp is OVEEEEEEER

In the literal sense. :-)

Spiritually however, let's pray that the passion for Christ revived during this camp will never fade. :-)

Ps. Julie is an amazing speaker. Seriously. Such dedication for our Lord.

However, I am EXHAUSTED now. So I can't blog much about camp. I can, but I may not sound entirely coherent, so let's not, all right? =)

I've got an Englist Lit. test tomorrow that I will surely fail as I did not have any time to study for it. Oh well. =) *Can't believe I'm smiling over failing*

God bless,
Jo

Ah, a good week. :-)

Well, apart from struggling to stay awake during class, during certain subjects, I've had a relatively good week. :-)

I'm saying that because it's FRIDAY tomorrow!!!

I love Fridays. Doesn't feel like a school day. =) It's the weekend mood, ya know?

And having nice, friendly debates with my teacher over school rules. I'm beginning to look forward to Business Studies class now, actually. Hahaha. Not because we learn about business(HAHA), but because there is so much to argue about. Er. That's not very good, isit? But seriously, it's fun.

Of course, I don't know how bad my testimonial is gonna be. Lol. In fact, I've yet to be caught/stopped for my hairstyle(covers my ears!!! *gasp*). Maybe he likes me enough to turn a blind eye on my illegal-covered-ears? Or he is too busy thinking of rebuttals to my questions, perhaps.

Today, I told him that the school shouldn't force students to cut their nails using the school nail clippers as it can spread AIDS. His reply, "That's why you all should cut at home!"

*speechless*

May as well say that our punishment for forgetting to cut our nails is to die from AIDS. The harsher the punishment, the lower the crime rate, right? I mean, what better way to get students petrified and keeping short nails all the time?

You know, there is soooo much I wanna question aloud at times, but I hold my tongue due to taking care of my testimonial. Hahaha.

I think if I get called for NS again, I shall say aplenty there. :-) After all, my final marks at the end of it doesn't affect anything. =P

That aside, CF Camp is coming up!!! =) And I get to be the ASS camp commander! Hahahahaha.

It'll be a great camp. :-) Planning for a camp of 150 campers is no easy task, but by God's grace things are pulling through. :-)

Lately I've been considering lecturing. Hmmm. The idea of educating more mature students seems appealing. However, I'm leaving it to God, completely.

Till then,
Have a great weekend,
God bless,
Jo

2 months, blown. Completely.

*Sigh*

I just realised, I complete blew January and February. Blew it in the sense that I used various excuses to make myself so busy I simply had hardly any time to get closer to God, to love others..

Let's be honest. I'm wrapped in a cocoon in class nowadays. I simply find it tough to mingle with my classmates who have a complete different mindset from me. Plus I am constantly playing catch-up in class so I don't have much time to mix around anyway.

But is my purpose in form 6, my final year in school as a student, just to study?

Today, during CF, I realised how infrequently I've attended CF meetings. Sure, I can blame it on MSSD, MSSS... but those were MY choices, weren't they? I could have tried so much harder to attend CF meetings, however exhausted I may have been. Could have made more effort to get to know my classmates better.

I'm trying, really. Only I don't know how long I can last. I slept at 3am last night, due to.. well, being a procrastinator I only started on my homework at 11.30pm, and didn't realise it would take so many hours. So effectively I'm surviving on 3 hours of sleep right now.

It's tiring, really. My priority should be God, but.. as Paul said, Romans 7:15 - For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.

It's really the case for me. If you talk to me, you'll be able to find out all I WILL to do. But do I practice them? Practice, as in, doing it all the time, as a habit. Instead, things that I hate, things that I know I shouldn't be spending time on, I practice.

I'm.. well, I don't know what to do. I can't go back in time. I've but a few months left in SMK Taman SEA, however much I may complain it, I was placed here for a purpose. I don't want to blow it like January and February. I can only do my best in the remaining time I have left. Being given a second chance in this vast mission field, and I nearly missed the opportunity to do so.

Help me, Lord.

God bless,
Jo

Sensitive issues...

A teacher of mine had this noble idea of giving my classmates a boost in their zest(or rather, lack of) for studying. She spent an entire hour lecturing us.. but touched(stamped?) on some issues that are sensitive to a few of us. She asked us to imagine losing our parents. Asked what would happen if either of our parents ever passed away.

Had a classmate who is going through some horrifying pain, pretty similar to the one I went through before, except that I had a much tighter reign over my emotions then as compared to her. Probably because people showed pity towards her, whereas people just avoided me. Needless to say, that very very untimely lecture on losing parents struck a chord in her..

A lil' insensitive on the teacher's part as she knows a bit about me, but considering I was reactionless towards everything she said, I can't blame her for going on. She didn't know about another student who was going through it today.. she thought her speech was so effective it evoked tears. *RIGHT* Who cares about studies when you're fighting for a life?

But yeah, I've realised lately that I've got to start working dog hard, however tough that may be these days. I need a place in the uni!

That aside, a teacher said that drowning a rat is a humane way of killing it. I disagreed. You suffer when you drown, no? I suggested chopping its head off. =) Life has ended before you realised it. If you stab the heart the brain may have time to register some pain before death. If you severe the brain from the heart, instant death! =D

Then again, what do I know. I'm an Arts student. Lol.

God bless,
Jo

NO HAIR COVERING YOUR EARS!!!

I think I'm gonna get really low grades in my testimonial this year. *sigh*

SMKTS is coming up with weirder, and weirder rules!

Today's new rule: For girls, your ears must be seen(Guys no need say lah). Unless you wear a headscarf/tudung...

I was speechless when I heard this.

Let's see. How did the argument in class go? *The Discipline Head has been accorded the honour of teaching my class, poor him*

"Teacher, why can't our hair cover our ears??"

"So you can hear clearly."

*Insert derogatory remarks*

"TUDUNG THEN HOW?? ASK THEM TO SHOW THEIR EARS LAH IF NOT THEY CANNOT HEAR PROPERLY!!!!"

As one who has obviously lost the battle but will never admit it, "You want to cover your ears, you wear tudung lah!"

Then my classmates asked him to provide us the rules on black and white. After all, the school has been creating too many new rules for us to keep up with. *You know the baju kurung has to be a certain length now?* The teacher's reply: "No need. You all listen during assembly when I read out the new rules."

"But we cannot remember all the rules!"

"That's why YOUR HAIR MUSN'T COVER YOUR EARS! Open your ears big big!"

"Forget then how? You all teachers simply catch us when we don't even know we're committing an offence!"

"Too bad lor."

Teacher babbled away again. And talked about the effect of warnings. SMKTS has this warning system that is so tedious I don't even know what it's all about, actually.

"So what is the effect when students receive warnings?"

Me: "Angry lor." Duh! Am I wrong? I would be angry if I received a warning about my unseen ear.

He stared at me. "Other than angry, what else?"

*Silence*

"KESALAHAN BERKURANG(Offences decrease) lah!"

Of course he was looking for this reply but which student in their right frame of mind would give him that answer?

And he went on to say, "Last time the fine for speeding was RM100. Now it's RM300. What's the effect?" and he looked at me, "Adakah rakyat semua marah dan mogok(Did the masses get angry and go on strike)? No, right? Kesalahan berkurang instead!"

Me, "But speeding is DANGEROUS! Why should we get angry over that?"

And this reply tops it all:

"EH, DANGEROUS WHAT IF YOUR HAIR COVERS YOUR EARS!"

*Speechless*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lesson of the day: If your hair covers your ears it's as dangerous as going 300km/h!

It's okay, there are many months more to debate with him. It's much more interesting to dig through a warped teacher's mind than to study Business anyhow.

God bless,
Jo

PS. Sorry for my ciplak Manglish, that's how we speak everyday. =D

=)

Well, sometimes things just overwhelm me, and I wonder how I'm ever gonna scrape through STPM at this rate.

Went to church, went for lunch, went for CF camp meeting, went for guitar class, went to 1 Utama, came back and intended to study, but the piano was calling me, just finished playing piano, and I decided to blog.

Which still leaves out the important part-studying. Which means I should be studying now, right?

*right*

I miss the kids in Kiwanis. =(

I miss...

Well, MSSS was fun, although ruined by politics and I lost, but hey, I enjoyed it. =)

I'm still disappointed and a bit disillusioned about things breaking apart, but I'm learning to accept it with numb feelings.

Matter of fact, these few months I've been living in a daze. It's as if my brain is clouded, I can't think clearly. Which is so not good for studies and understanding stuff. I think it's everything that has happened and is happening that is causing this hazy head of mine. It's NOT good for STPM. =(

Still, things are getting better *I think*, so my hazy head ought to clear real soon. =)

God bless,
Jo

Till I'm back

from MSSS in a place called Hulu Langat...

Even the name itself sounds so ulu.

Oh well.

Not really looking forward to it, considering the circumstances. Truthfully, I get this not-good feeling in my tummy thinking about it. No, it's not nervousness. Because I expect to crash out in the 1st/2nd round anyway.

It's just... a feeling.

Till then, I'll be apart from my laptop. Don't want to bring along such an expensive thing.

God bless,
Jo

Stresssss

Over nothing much.

That's the worst part.

I'm just worried over some MSSS paperwork.

I wish I can just play without worrying about paperwork, leave it to the teachers to handle everything. But nooooooooo, I've got to handle it all by myself. Which is 10 times harder because I go around chasing for signatures that teachers make me wait for simply because I am just a student, not a teacher. It's utterly exhausting you know, when you're sent from block to block, room to room, looking for various teachers who do not follow their timetables.. I went around the entire school looking for a teacher today until I finally heard that she was in the canteen.

Gah.

And then there's the political situation.

No, not in Perak.

In Petaling Utama district itself.

Politics is a DIRTY game, even at such a kuchi-brat level. I detest it. I've just seen how effective shoe-polishing/currying favour is. When someone who cannot play that well is given a spot over better players. Which I found utterly disgusting. I mean, I know if I'm not as good as others I'll be ASHAMED to take their rightful places.

The good thing is, I'm playing, not a substitute.

The bad thing is, my good friends have been hurt badly.

The worst thing is, I can't do anything about it.

The kind of school teachers we have these days really makes me disillusioned about the entire education system.

Don't get me wrong, I have some REALLY AWESOME teachers that make me feel like I ought to become a teacher just so I can help students the way they do.

But finding such good teachers is like trying to find a needle in the haystack nowadays.

I'm tired. :-(

And honestly speaking, not really looking forward to my first, and last, MSSS tournament. It's tiring, hectic, stressful.

Bleh. I've got less than 10 months to go as a schoolgirl. Can't wait to be done!

I'll miss my guitar during my few days in Hulu Langat(MSSS). :-(

God bless,
Jo

Yet another day...

Well, at least I'm still alive. Amen? =P

Neway, this week has been exhausting. 2-5pm MSSS training. It's... exhausting, to say the least. I come home half dead. I don't know, how did I ever, ever survive form 4, form 5..?? Maybe STPM really is that much heavier. I dunno...? At the rate I'm going I don't expect to last past April.

It's ok. Free after MSSS.

Except that I STUPIDLY promised to take part in 1.5km and 3km long-distance events to represent yellow house. *Sometimes I wonder at my sheer stupidity* I can try to pull out of it, but I've given my word... Oh well.

Anyway, I skipped school yesterday. I think it's gonna be a recurring event, me skipping school. Hahaha. There are days I just need to sleep past 12noon to regain my energy for the week.

And missed a test.

Well, difference between me in form 5 and now is that I no longer worry about all the work I've missed. Hello, I've missed 5 months of school work. Being absent one day doesn't mean I have to catch up on the work the day before. LOL.

Anyway, I didn't even ask my classmates about the work I missed yesterday. So when I walked passed my Econs teacher, she casually asked me, "Joanne, you want to take the Econs test today?" And me, I really don't know what's gotten into me lately, just calmly replied, "Yeah, sure. When?" Only after we settled the details and she walked away that I realised I had just agreed to sit for a test in 10 minutes time, a test that I HAD NOT STUDIED for at all. Being a completely different Joanne as compared to my younger school days, I just didn't bother too much about it. Haha.

Anyway, another guy and I had to do the test during Business class, where the head of discipline, this really petty teacher who fusses over the slightest breach of discipline, was teaching. *Something I detest* Anyway, he INSISTED that we sit under his eye so that we do not discuss/copy/whatsoever. I just rolled my eyes. It's just a small test. So what's the big deal? Oh well.

This teacher left class for a while. So naturally, my dear classmates helped me with the answers to some of the questions. Hehehehe.

When he came back, he saw us doing our test, and said, "Oh yeah, I forgot about the two of you! I hope you didn't copy!" Me: *Smiles sweetly* He, "You didn't discuss with him right??" Me, "No lah!" Then some really really honest chemical/nerve/bone/whatever in me HAD to add, "Not with him, anyway." *Laughter(nervous, shocked at my honesty perhaps LOL) by classmates*

Either didn't understand what I said, or he chose to ignore it. Knowing him, he wouldn't have just let that comment go if he had understood it.

One thing I've realised since leaving the stifling school environment for one year: Teachers that scare students have no real power over us. I remember being nervous when some strict teachers entered class long ago. Now I've got a couple in form 6 but they don't bother me any longer. All they can do is nag. Hahaha. And that is what they do. Would you believe that a teacher scolded me for marking my MCQ with a tick instead of a circle???

Well, that's all they can do. Nag when work is unfinished, scold when the class is dirty. I've somehow grown this really thick hide where I sit back and watch with amusement as they scold us over really irrelevant things. Not sitting up properly, yawning in class, etc...

Many of my classmates still fear teachers though. I thought my friends were just joking when they frantically rushed to finish their work, whereas there I was, taking my own sweet time. They get so stressed up in class I feel stressed just watching them get stressed. LOL.

Just another point in life, today. Can't wait to leave school and all its stifling rules. I won't mind breaking them all except that schools tend to inconvenience parents for a child's misdeeds. Which may be fine for lower forms, but for sixth formers.. Can you imagine, someone who drives to school has his/her parent called and told to take the child back..? I've yet to hear of such a thing to happen, although it's probably because 6th formers generally tend to be more serious about their studies and less fooling around.

As for me, I just live to get through form 6. And sow sow sow as hard as I can. :-)

My onlining at late hours probably contributes 99% towards my exhaustion on a daily basis. Old habits die hard, so I'll try to kill off this bad habit. Or it'll kill me off.

11.59pm, 1 more min to midnight!

God bless,
Jo

Breaking apart..

Political upheavals.

In the country.

In my life.

Okay, let's be honest, I'm just a very very interested bystander who monitors the political upheavals in our country. Not that I can get involved anyway. Then again, I probably can, I just choose not to..

As for the political upheavals that are closer to my heart..

It hurts. It used to anger me, a lot. I harboured plenty of anger. Then I thought I had put all of it behind me...

But things that aren't settled generally tend to haunt you. At least, that's the case for me. I met up with an old friend recently, and to hear some things that I was unaware of... the anger didn't return. Instead, hurt, pain, confusion arose. It hurts, to see an interwoven circle breaking apart. I may have been on the outer part of it, but I was as much a part of it as the other parts. Now to see it frayed, breaking apart, with no real effort to keep it together.. it hurts. I may no longer be a part of it, but I still feel the pain it's causing to people whom I care about.

And with no one to turn to.. the people around me are too closely tangled up in it all to give sound advice. I've had more than enough of harsh criticism, or worse still, backless, cowardly, defence.

Ah, all I want right now is a utopian life.

Since that will never happen, I'll do what I completely forgot to do from the beginning.

Help me, Lord?

MSSD '09!

MSSD Petaling Utama Badminton '09 just ended yesterday. Started on the 19th Jan.

I did the best I ever did before. Rather ironical, considering it's also the year where I hardly trained. I've stopped professional training for so many months, and restarted it about 1-2 months before MSSD. Hehehehe.

I won the bronze for SINGLES!! Wouldcha believe that??? SINGLES, not DOUBLES! Hahaha. I beat the 2nd seed in quarter finals in straight games, but lost to the 3/4 seed in semis. Body was exhausted by then, 4 days of nonstop playing in both singles and doubles was really no easy task. By Friday my whole body was aching. I've not been training consistently so my body is not conditioned for such strenous activity.

And I won the SILVER for doubles! Even then in finals it was an extremely close game, 21-15, 17-21, 18-21. It was really a very close game, and against the top seed too. :-) In quarter finals, we beat the 3/4 seeds in straight sets. In semis, we beat the 2nd seed in straight sets again.

And and and, I may most likely be selected for MSSS(to represent Petaling Utama district)! Hahaha. They asked for my IC number, but so far nothing official, only unofficially people tell me that my name is in the list for MSSS players. Which is something I've been hoping for in years, but never got in. They only select 4-6 players, and I somehow always met the top seed in the early rounds, and lost. Gave some fight usually but let's face it, I can't beat the top state players with my kind of occasional training. Lol. Neway, if I am selected for the SELECTION, I'll have to fight for my position in MSSS(or so I heard), so let's hope I'm in to fight for it. Hehehe. But nonetheless, whatever it is, it's been a very good outing this year for MSSD.

I was this totally unseeded player in both singles and doubles, and trust me, it felt REALLY good to beat these top seeds. Hehehe. In fact, my Penolong Kanan Ko-kurikulum teacher was so sarcastic, he said, "You all so eager to go, can win or not? If cannot win then why so eager? No maybes about it!" I was steaming when I heard that. Then during the MSSD tournament, I saw the reactions of some of the officials when they saw who their seeded players were against. Probably due to my height(lack of, rather) or 'unknownness', they said stuff like, "No problem lah, left hand also can beat, etc." It felt really satisfying to prove these people wrong. After that I heard some officials ask the seeded players who lost, "What happened?? Why your score until like that????" with bewildered looks. Hahaha.

Amazing, isn't it, how God works? It's as if He's telling me, 'All your training the previous few years and you got nowhere, now when you go by faith and leave it to Me...'

Neway, that's all for now. In Malacca now for the week, Happy Chinese New Year!!!

God bless,
Jo

P.S. In the 2nd round for doubles, I served 21 times in a row. :-D LOL. We won the 1st game 21-0. Hahahaha. Yes, I love my partner! Haha. So nervous but able to perform when needed. :-)

I'm finally 18! :-D

Never thought I'd live so long. Yeah, seriously! 18!

Haha.

I got a ukulele! From my dear family. Hehehe. I've wanted an uke for a while now, but thought it'll be a bit too much to expect one for my birthday. But hey, I got one! :-D The sound it produces is really really adorable. hahaha. Seriously, I'll entertain you guys one day at your request, let me learn more first lah. Hehe.


Thanks to everyone who wished me today, being 18 marks a different stage of life, at least for me. So much has been happening, and turning 18 seemed to be a poignant reminder of all that has happened, and is happening recently. But I'm leaving it all to God. :-)

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to live to be 18 years old. I really appreciate it!

1st day of school.. for the last time.

As a student, at least.

Hahaha.

Usual lah. Teachers nagged us for not bringing books. *We didn't even have today's timetable...*

MSSD Badminton's on the 19th of January! That's NO TIME to prepare. *sigh*

Debating whether to take part in MSSS Squash or not.. I think.. better not lah.. I told myself not to be overly active this year...

Well, that's how it went. Boring, but survivable. :-D

Oh, and Happy Belated New Year! =)

God bless,
Jo