Dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma

Dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma dilemma.

That's my middle name.

How how?

First you have SPICES lady wanting to talk to me.

Then you have a youth speaker who tells all about his life as a social worker.

Then the newspapers flash all about special children who are deprived of this this and that that big big on the front page of the newspapers.

Then you hear that the SPICES lady STILL wants to talk to me.

Oh maaaan.

Special education, or not?

:-(

Haha, I prayed over it, and *ta daaa* and all that happened. In a span of a few days!

It's nerve-wrecking, really. No, I'm not exaggerating. Ok, maybe I am, just a lil'.

That aside, I don't want my marks back. I only want back my Economics. That's all. The other papers can BURN for all I care. The teachers can lose them or something like that. As long as I never get them back. Yeah, it's that bad. I messed up my essays, messed up my.. argh. EVERYTHING LAH.

Oh goodness. Forget about 5 As. I'll be happy if I get a place in a nearby uni.

I've not gone back to Malacca in AGES and AGES. :-(

I've not gone to Kiwanis in AGES and AGES.

I've hardly had time to myself, for myself in AGES and AGES.

I miss my previous life soooo much. Siiiigh. Life in those good ol' days.

I've got different people pouring out different problems onto me, and that just adds somemore burden unto my heavy shoulders. Now, I really don't mind helping my friends, comforting, whatsoever. Just that all these problems just remind me that life ain't a rosy bed of thornless roses that I can lie comfortably in. If I'm having problems, so are those around me. And you just wish you can take away all their problems, but you can't.

I can't seem to summon the energy to study as I used to. I try to in school, then I go home and sleep my day away. Or online my day away. Or daydream my day away. Or pick up one good novel and spend my whole time on it. Or blog. Or go out with friends(which isn't bad, but simply means I'm not studying either).

Expectations lie heavily on my shoulders, and I detest it. I want to live up to MY standards, not someone else's standards. I want to do what my heart desires, not what others think I'm capable of doing. Heck, if my favourite job is picking up thrash by the roadside then I want the freedom to do it, not lock myself up in some mega huge company and slug my day away in front of some gadget.

I've got sooo much on my mind. How how how.

Perhaps it's just God calling me back to Him..

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I'm exhausted.

Have a blessed day.

And thank God for friends :-)

Jo