That my future was decided, laid out. Haha. God never, ever ceases to remind me that He and He alone has a hand in my future, if only I'll allow him to intervene.
My target since entering form 6 has been simple, really. Do well, try to get a place in UM, Bachelor of Arts, major in English.
Simply because special education is way too limited in Malaysia, and I had this bright idea of doing a degree in English first, then only I'll think of special education.
And then I hear today.. about... well, this lady from SPICES (about educating mentally-handicapped kids-http://www.malaysiancare.org/index.cfm?menuid=12) wants to meet me. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that! She heard about me after my many months of volunteering in Kiwanis Down Syndrome Foundation(KDSF), and told someone I know that she wants to talk to me about my 'career options'. Which I suspect will tie in closely with SPICES.. since they are looking for teachers. The assurance she gave that she'll 'let me complete STPM first' was HARDLY comforting, that means that the idea of me quitting STPM to join whatever she has in mind(too complicated to explain here) was even present.
Which, of course, isn't... well, the best news I've heard in my entire life. Oh, maybe a few months ago when I was so gung-ho about special education I would have readily gobbled up any offer she made.. although I hardly think I should start working now(eh I DON'T WANT TO WORK YET OKAY).. but then so many other options seemed to be opening up to me, and doors to enter the special education field seemed to be getting fewer and fewer. So hey, I thought, working as something else and volunteering as I've done in KDSF at the same time would be the perfect option. Yes, I don't know if I'll actually have enough time for that, but... dreams are there for a reason.
You know, when one's eyes are opened to all one can do in this world.. suddenly, the thought of limiting myself doesn't seem that appealing anymore. The past few months I've been discovering changes within myself, no longer the quiet, accepting-everything kinda girl.. and... well, that kinda changes my perspectives on what I can work as.
I mean, if I can earn 10k a month, why settle for 2k? If the job prospects are so much better in the corporate world... why settle for something less? If one's hard work is rewarded by climbing higher and higher, earning more and more, achieving the peak of Maslow's pyramid... why choose a life that shows hard work sometimes won't get you anywhere?
And then I realised.. I've been viewing things through secular eyes. Everything this world has to offer, I want to get it. It's only fleshly, human-nature that puts such desires in my heart... With the changes I mentioned earlier I now know that it is so much easier to reach the top in anything.
But though it pains me, if God calls me, I will go wherever He wishes. I don't want to be caught within the clutches of this world.. really, I don't. My flesh may desire for it but my heart yearns for something greater.
*sigh* I'll give this SPICES woman(not Spice girls!) a shot lah..
Just when I got over the 'how much would I give up?' nagging thought I've been having.
God bless & pray with me ya,
Jo
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