*Sigh*
I just realised, I complete blew January and February. Blew it in the sense that I used various excuses to make myself so busy I simply had hardly any time to get closer to God, to love others..
Let's be honest. I'm wrapped in a cocoon in class nowadays. I simply find it tough to mingle with my classmates who have a complete different mindset from me. Plus I am constantly playing catch-up in class so I don't have much time to mix around anyway.
But is my purpose in form 6, my final year in school as a student, just to study?
Today, during CF, I realised how infrequently I've attended CF meetings. Sure, I can blame it on MSSD, MSSS... but those were MY choices, weren't they? I could have tried so much harder to attend CF meetings, however exhausted I may have been. Could have made more effort to get to know my classmates better.
I'm trying, really. Only I don't know how long I can last. I slept at 3am last night, due to.. well, being a procrastinator I only started on my homework at 11.30pm, and didn't realise it would take so many hours. So effectively I'm surviving on 3 hours of sleep right now.
It's tiring, really. My priority should be God, but.. as Paul said, Romans 7:15 - For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.
It's really the case for me. If you talk to me, you'll be able to find out all I WILL to do. But do I practice them? Practice, as in, doing it all the time, as a habit. Instead, things that I hate, things that I know I shouldn't be spending time on, I practice.
I'm.. well, I don't know what to do. I can't go back in time. I've but a few months left in SMK Taman SEA, however much I may complain it, I was placed here for a purpose. I don't want to blow it like January and February. I can only do my best in the remaining time I have left. Being given a second chance in this vast mission field, and I nearly missed the opportunity to do so.
Help me, Lord.
God bless,
Jo
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