14th July

Hey ko,

How's life up there?

I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm definitely not where I thought I would be a year after this post. Life has changed so so so very much, drastically and permanently. I'm glad you're not here to experience it.

Did you know all these would happen? It's been 11 years now. I'm now of legal age (I'm still exploring what this means) and drive myself practically everywhere now. Not much of a choice, really. I wish I still have a driver, but I can't very well stay a baby forever, can I? I'm much more independent now, being forced to live home alone plenty, to find my own meals, to wake myself up and drive myself to school, to go out and buy the things I need.. not by choice, I miss hearing the television on, the clutter of things being done around the house as I sit in my room.. just the company of mom and dad at home, really. Knowing that things are going well, for the moment.

I miss studying without having to worry about anything. I used to be able to study without having to worry where my next meal would come from. Now I'm struggling to find the time to sit down and study. I used to have the time to play as much badminton as I wanted. I've not touched a racket in months. :-(

I never imagined I'd watched someone die before my very eyes, even worse, the heart-wrenching sight of his wife weeping silently. Her solemn and painful advice to mom, "Take care of your husband, I no longer have mine."

I no longer harbour dreams of ending up in some prestigious university or getting a scholarship. Somehow they no longer seem to be of great importance to me. What changed me?

Well, it's been 11 years since you've gone, and we'll meet someday again, k? I don't know when, I don't know how, I just pray I'll remain strong enough to meet you. :-)

By the way, I gave you a smiley face because I think you're just like me, always a round round smiley. :-)

Love ya loads!
Jo