=(

Not feeling happy. Don't ask me why. 'Cause I won't answer you if you do anyway. Fighting against this extremely rare bout of unhappiness/touchiness the past few days. The past week, in fact.

Yet even in this emotional turmoil that I fight so hard to keep my tone levelled, calm, in order to prevent others from getting hurt, to avoid, "What's wrong??" questions, the song 'As Bread that is Broken' is playing itself in me..

Artist: BUTLER, RANDY AND TERRY

Title: AT THE CROSS

Copyright: 1993 MERCY / VINEYARD PUBLISHING

Many hearts are hungry tonight
Many trapped in darkness
Yearn for the light
So many who are far from home
And many who are lost
O Lord Your wounded children need
The power of Your cross

As bread that is broken
Use our lives
As wine that is poured out
A willing sacrifice

Empower us Father
To share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken Lord
Use our lives

Help us to begin where we are
Help us love the people
Near to our hearts
Then give our faith a mission field
Wherever You may call
Lord love the world
Through each one of us
Until we've touched them all

How judgemental can we get?? I suspect that evil trait in us is a big factor in my current turmoil.

However, I will allow God to dictate my life, not man.

Jeremiah 29:11...

2 Peter 1:4..

God is good, yes? :-)

Babi barua sikachua!

There, that felt better.

Hahaha.

Sorry lah, my blog not halal one.

I finished that horrible-chord-finding-for-'favourite'-song. Found a song in C major, quickly grabbed that song. Lol!

Then I'm told to find the chords for the chorus too, not just the verse.

Now don't you feel like going 'babi barua sikachua!' with me???

Ok, so you aren't the empathic kinda person.

Last time in piano lesson the teacher just give me the book, tell me what song to practice, and sent me off.

Of course, I hardly ever did practice. But that's going off-topic now.

This time so different from my piano days lah.. last time just baca note. Now have to listen! And identify!

Babi barua sikachua!

Hahaha. Just ranting a bit lah cause I have no idea what the chords are for the chorus. Thought I'll release some steam here. Hehe.

Some more today learnt bar chords. Now that's another babi barua sikachua!!! Just when I got the half-bar chords actually sounding not-too-bad, I have to learn the full bar. My playing, apart from the non-bar chords has effectively been muffled. Literally.

Goodness, guitar is getting harder. Haha.

But I'm enjoying it. =P

Heard that 5% of my type get the MOE scholarship.. so that means I'll be fighting to get a place among 25 my-type-of-people.

Hmm... so exciting hor? I'm thinking form 6 is really looking at me with that evil eye.

Then again, that could possibly be just a rumour. After all, since when does Malaysia have 475 not-my-type-of-people who want to applied for TESL? You'll be surprised.. read on...

Did I mention that the MOE scholarship received 108,394 applications for 4,726 places? Yes, ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT THOUSAND freaking(not my usual lingo, but appropriate now) applications.

Last year, 88 000 of those were for TESL alone. The course I applied for.

Oh oh, then from that 88 000 applications, they will be shortlisting to 4000 people for the interview. The short list will be out on the 29th April.

Then, from that 4000, they will choose 500 people.

And among the 500 people, 25 will be my type.

Oh, Math has just overwhelmed me.

My ONLY advantage would be that I have English Literature(they said for TESL priority will be given to Eng. Lit. students who did well in it).

LOL.

Whether it's true or not, I know there definitely is a quota.

But guess what?

Correct correct correct! *I love this line lah, Lingam's one creative guy!*

I've long ago left this in my Father's hands. Wherever He sends me, I will go.

I've been mocked, ridiculed, sneered at when I mention the possibility that I may not get any scholarship. People think that hey, you got straight 12A1s man, what are you talking about not getting a scholarship! Well, what do you think? Study hard, yes, future SPM candidates definitely I advise you to study hard. But never, ever, for one moment make the foolish mistake of thinking that all the A1s in the world is going to land you a scholarship on a golden platter.

3.25am now. Want to zzzz. Have a great day ok.

God bless!
Jo

Help!

I've been asked to find the chords to my.. favourite song.

Which is fine by me.

Except that I don't have a favourite song.

Hahaha.

How now brown cow?

"Simply take one song lah!"

I tried that, except that I can't seem to identify the chords for any song. At the most, 2 chords. Hahaha.

I'll solve that problem in due time I hope.

Anyway, took the LRT today, at 8am, WRONG time. I had to wait 2 turns to enter the LRT station. I must admit that people are quite civilised, they all queue up. Haha. Not bad.

Anyway by Taman Bahagia the LRT was sandwiched. No more place! But in Paramount people STILL managed to squeeze in. By Taman Bahagia station I realised that I was at the wrong side, had to be at the other side if I wanted to get out at Asia Jaya. But what to do??

So I had to squeeeeze my way out of the LRT at that station, fortunately people somehow managed to make way for me.

I tell you ah, next time I when I'm working I hope I don't have to take LRT. Have to take also not at that hour, either earlier or later. Haha.

Anyway, I'm awake. Would you believe it? Online somemore. At 10.35am. =P Hehehe. Think I'm gonna zzz soon though. Only had about 3 or 4 hours sleep last night.

Why are we so quick to judge and condemn others?

As my title says.. I cannot understand why some people choose to judge/condemn others in no time at all. It was my Friendster's shout out for many weeks.

One just has to make a vague statement, and suddenly he/she finds himself being labelled this this that that and so on in others' opinions.

I've been judged many times, I know, by many people. Well, not many, just a handful of people who just have this irrepressible urge to condemn others, to put them below their station, to make them an immoral creature as compared to themselves, to make them snobbish, arrogant, you name it.

Then, there are others who just LOVE to contradict whoever they are talking to, pointing out their flaws immediately, and going into an in depth detail discussion of why that person's view is wrong.

Ok, let's admit, most of us are like that. I am too.. and I'm ashamed to admit that. I've been trying to change, yes, but sometimes the old me just slips back and I find myself mentally praising myself for being so upright compared to that wretched poor immoral fella, and verbally telling that person why he/she is so wrong in blablabla.

When I find myself (unfairly) judged, I usually keep mum about it, and choose to boil in anger instead, if I find that judgement absolutely wrong(in my eyes).

It's taken me a long time, but now I'm slowly learning that the best way is to keep my gap shut, so people will think I'm tongue-less, no opinion, whatever else they choose to think. Back to my silent days when young...

Oh, you didn't know I suffered from a disorder when young? haha! Unbelievable, eh? JOANNE?? SILENT?? Believable to those who receive my silence, unbelievable to those who hear me chatter non-stop.

Oh great, now you're gonna say I've got split personality.

Mute days are over anyhow, in my life. =P But that's another story.. that I doubt I'll ever reveal..

"Joanne's being secretive! She has a lot of dark secrets in her life!!! Be careful of her.. she only LOOKS innocent.."

Gee, judging me, AGAIN???!

Someone once told me I can't play badminton.. why? Because of my built(more specifically, my height). That person has never ever seen me play badminton before. When I coolly informed him that I've beaten players a head taller than me, lost to players shorter than me, he immediately went into defensive mode, saying I-don't-remember-what, and I further went on to tell him, I lacked in height, maybe, but my stamina and skill makes up for it, and here's the line that stunned me into silence,

"Then if one day you meet a girl that's taller than you, has better skill, equal stamina, how?"

I bit back my sharp retort of, "Then I'll just LOSE LOR!"

Hahahaha! Losing so hard meh? In any sport we have to accept defeats, celebrate wins. Is there such a thing as a player who never ever lost in their sport??

Anyway, I'm going off-topic now, my point is, that person was quick to judge me when seeing my height(lack of, anyway).

The only person I will not blame if I'm considered slow/something-wrong is.. *drum roll*

MY PIANO TEACHER(s)!!!

I think my last teacher still has nightmares about me.

Many people were surprised with my SPM results because they thought I only played badminton and did nothing else. After that, they say.. 'blind chickens can get worms too'.

I give up. We humans just love judging others.

2.23am now. Logging off. Nitez, God bless.

Oh, and remember, think twice before you reach a hasty conclusion about anyone! You are DEAD WRONG about your conclusion/opinion/judgement.

Ooops, wasn't that a hasty judgement by itself?

Hari Kecemerlangan Akademik

Today was Hari Kecemerlangan Akademik.. received the Pelajar Terbaik SPM or something along that line. Along with Clarine, a fellow 12A1 student, from the Science stream though.

Anyway, went as usual, as we school-leavers were no longer tied down by school rules, we talked plenty during the speeches. =P

Had to stand on stage as the emcee rattled away my ko-ko achievements. Okay, so I had a list, but they chose to focus only on the badminton tournaments that I won. When I walked on the stage, the emcee announced, "Joanne is a sportswoman." and went on talking about my badminton achievements. I must admit the list sounded impressive, although it was only because the name of each tournament was really really long. And some had fancy words like MSN, Milo, Dunlop, Remaja Kuala Lumpur Tertutup and all. Honestly, they were just fancy-sounding names, not really big big tournaments. Lol!

At the end, I was too busy.. erm, cam-whoring with friends.. apparently they had announced for my name several times over the PA system to take photo in front of the stage.. finally a few prefects ran over to me and said, "Joanne! They called you so many times!!!!"

Ooops. But hey, as I am no longer a school student the teachers just smiled nicely and refrained from scolding me. Hahaha!

First time my school ever had to give to both Arts and Science students, so the Piala Pusingan has to be shared between the both of us. Lol! 2 weeks with Clarine, 2 weeks with me, then bagi balik kat sekolah.

So, do I regret taking Arts stream although I had a choice to enter Science?

Haha! Sorry man. No way. Nothing like going against the flow and enjoying the fruits of it.

Although my social life suffered a bit of a setback.. still, wherever my next path leads I'm confident I'll be able to make new friends, as students who do pre-U generally care more about studies than my classmates in form 4 & 5.. haha. After all, those doing pre-U actually want to have a degree.. unlike many of my old classmates.. who are likely working already.. no longer going back to studies..

Thankfully, I had a group of badminton friends who made up some part of my social life, playing 2-3 times a week together. Haha. How else would I have survived form 4 & 5? =P

My old classmates consisted of some who already had businesses to inherit.. who just had to get enough credits to enter college, then get sent overseas.. and some who just wanted to enjoy life.

My aim in life is different from most.. but my old classmates couldn't and wouldn't accept that view.

Hence, I'm looking forward to a better future, a better social life. Hahaha.

Big dreams, maybe.

Think I'm writing nonsense. Had only 4 hours of sleep. Had to wake up at 6am today. :-(

Off to bed now.

God bless!

Edit: I just remembered why I wanted to blog about today. Haha. Anyway, it's because today was a day that I never, ever, dreamed would have happened. In my life. To be considered not a, but THE top student, to receive the trophy.. Let's be honest here, I did pretty well in school, but to receive such an award?? Top in class is one thing.. top in my school is another thing. People around me have always said that all Joanne knows what to do is play badminton..my brother was the top student.. I was merely the sister that enjoyed life too much.

For several years in my 17 years of life I must admit that part seemed pretty true. But somehow God willed for my results to be thus..

As the emcee announced the secret of my success today.. "Play hard, but study even harder!" hahaha. During SPM I still played badminton, but what's 1 day a week compared to 6 days of studying? =P

Thank you, Lord! =)

How to regrip a racquet over webcam?

Had to blog about this.. my day(or night, rather) has officially been made! LOL.

An online friend had no idea how to change the grip on his racquet.. so he asked me how. Which is fine and dandy, I told him it's super easy. Next thing I know, he turned on his webcam so that I could.. erm, 'monitor' the process.

And he managed! Yaaaaaaaay! Lol.

Ok, so it's not a big deal to you. =P Still, it has officially made my night. Hey, it's the simple things of life that bring joy!

At 8.25pm today(or yesterday, it's 12.21am now), a school teacher called me up, told me that I'm the best Arts student and blablabla. In short, she asked me to compile a list of all my achievements and a couple of other things lah.

So I did, then 1 hour later when she called back, instead of giving it slowly to her over the phone.. I said, "Teacher, isn't it easier if I email you?" and she went, "OH YEAH HOR!!! YEAH! EMAIL! SO MUCH EASIER! HOLD ON I GET MY SON'S EMAIL!" Hahaha. She was so excited over the thought of me emailing her what I'm supposed to give her. Lol!

Okay, so that's about it..

Listening to 'Funk Soul Brother' now. It's really the most unintelligent song I've heard. It seems to consist of the lines, "The funk soul brother! Check it out now! Funk soul brother right about now!" or something along that line. I googled the word 'funk' and came up with:

Funk - English word which originally stands for “psycho depression”, “body odor” or quality of something extremely informal... (Source: http://www2.uol.com.br/uptodate/glossae.htm)

Hmm... wanna be funk soul brothers, anyone?

2.15am

Just felt like blogging for a bit. Hehe.

I realised my blog never said goodbye to Chow Ping aka Hippo. No, she's not dead, she's just no longer in Malaysia. =P

So, Hippo, hope you have a great time in Philippines, you're gonna flllllyyyyy! Literally. Hehe.

Life after form 5 is really a different one.. The song 'As We Go On, We Remember...' by Vitamin C really keeps playing itself in my head. That song is so true.. we're all apprehensive about our future, curious, yet afraid, to see what the future has in store for us..

For some, it'll be the usually path of engineering, accounting, medicine, etc. For others.. like Hippo.. it's something unconventional. For people like me.. it's really undecided.. so far.

Yesterday it suddenly struck me that I'm really really growing up. I've left form 5, all that's left is my pre-U studies, then degree.. then work.. wow! I'll be working! In a few years time! It's as if.. goodness. But I don't have any regrets.. I don't feel the urge to turn back time and correct mistakes..

2.25am now. Think I'll go off to bed now.. slept at 3.30am last night, tonight slightly earlier.. can't keep going to bed that late, will have form 6 soon..

Though very honestly I don't plan to be too regular in form 6 =P Until it's confirmed that I've failed to secure any scholarships. hahaha.

Welcome to Malaysia, the land where straight A1s and good koko doesn't insure you anything. I was a prefect, the president of badminton club, assistant treasurer of CF, committee member of Kelab Sejarah and Geografi, committee member of Yellow House, active member of PBSM, class treasurer, won bronze in MSSD for badminton, won 1 gold, 2 silver and 1 bronze for 4 long-distance track events during my school sports day, achieved 4th place in the National Bible Knowledge Quiz(2nd at state level), represented my school in a few academic quizzes(Econs, Accounts, Essay-Writing)..

And that was only for year 2007. Don't get me started on form 4. Lol!

I applied for 6 scholarships, out of 6, I've only been short-listed for the JPA interview, and 1 more pending(the TESL one). The rest.. Hahaha. However, there are many others in my shoes too, so there's no way I can blame anything on the income, what with both parents working. Most others have stay-home mums.. their advantage, I suppose in cases like these. The fact that I've met kids from really low-income families who weren't short-listed either just makes me more confused..

Nevertheless, I've left my future in God's hands, and I believe that He'll give me a future that He deems best for me. =)

2.38am now, really gotta zzz.

Buh bye,
God bless,
Jo

Once again, CP, enjoy Philippines! =)

I reversed into a car..

Yeah, my first accident. I reversed into a black Wira today..

Was very very angry with myself for about an hour after it occurred.. how stupid can someone get? Reversing into a parked car????!

Extremely angry, afraid to drive again, just.. pure geram.

Anyway, the Wira's back light cracked a bit.. the owners mentioned something about maybe the bumper needs to be adjusted..

But anyway, have a lot to thank God for. The owners were VERY VERY nice. =) They were a couple, didn't scold me AT ALL. Why, I'm sure some other people would have yelled at me aplenty. I just gave them my phone number.

And my parents were awesomely nice about it! They said it's part of 'growing up' and 'experiencing' things. Right. My license is barely a month old. Plus dad told me he'll handle all of it, just give them his phone number when they call me up regarding the cost. =)

And online friends are really good too..

All these 'experienced' drivers sharing their 'accident-experiences'... Suddenly I felt like, 'hey, it happened to plenty of people too...'

So I'm feeling much much better now. Happy, even. Relaxed. Unafraid.

Prayer works! =)

And all my Kenari has is a tiny dent. That may have been there even before the accident.

Of course I still find driving the car slightly repulsive.. but I think it'll pass.

God bless,
Joanne