Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron

I couldn't concentrate on my books last night and the entire day today. 2 days back I watched 'Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron'. I just felt the urge to watch it, and so I did.

The way Spirit refused to be broken despite all the torture and abuse it faced was astounding. The point when its legs shivered due to hunger and fatigue kinda reminded me of physical training during badminton (especially for today's training, haha!). And yet its determination not to be broken made me think, Wowee this horse has SPIRIT!

Then again, that was just a movie, a Disney one, with happy endings. How much can one go through in life without ending up broken, shattered into a million pieces at times? We can only find out...

I don't know why, but I get this feeling that life is going to change, for me. I don't know how distant, but I know the change involves me and me alone. Values? Attitude? I don't know. Oh, I'm definitely changing all right. I mean, I'm going to fail my paper tomorrow, but it doesn't bother me one tiny bit. Then I'm skipping 2 papers during this finals because I prefer a TH(Tidak hadir) compared to 1, 2 marks. Haha. But these are just trivial things. I keep feeling that I'll change in a drastic way. But I don't know what!

Anyway, it's really surprising how caustic some human beings can be during times like these. Seriously. Some people have been so wonderfully good and caring, and some have just inflicted pain and hurt.

It's so easy to put up a mask before man. But before God one feels so so vulnerable, without any mask to put up. I can't pretend that life is all fine and dandy before God, and it bothers me. For once my smiles can't seem to protect me, I'm left stripped of everything and just feeling plain vulnerable.

It's astonishing how some people believe that we should just allow death to come. Next time you get in a major road accident just lie on the road and wait to die lah, what for go to the hospital? Yeah, like I said, it's unbelievable how people can inflict hurt even during times like these.

It's very very easy to give up. Seriously. I rarely try it, but once you give up life becomes ever so easy. For instance, I gave up on passing my paper for tomorrow. Hence I spent my entire weekend going out, playing the piano, the guitar, watching the TV. The harder the fight, the easier to give up. But no, I will not give up. Not in the deeper sense.

If I ever gave up my faith I'll be rollicking through life right now, joining in secular pleasure. Seeing many badminton players do that, it's so easy just to join them. Don't even talk about badminton players, just look at my schoolmates and how some of them seem to live for pleasure and pleasure alone.

But never! Hebrews 12:1-4 says:

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.

The more I think of my future, the more I'm beginning to detest the idea of working to get money. I want to work with others, to help others, but I cannot feed myself by doing that. I still need money, which comes from a job! Gah. I'll leave this part to God though. After all, if he feeds the birds of the air, how much more need I worry?

Random post, have a nice day. =)

God bless,
Jo