Oh, how long more shall this shadow of gloom hang over me?
When will the thunder and lightning cease?
When will the rainbow and sun show itself?
When? When?
This burdensome stone is pulling me deeper and deeper into the waters deep. My silent cries no one can hear. Soon my head will sink with my body.. gurgling and sputtering I'll curse this stone.
Piano & Theory! Oh when oh when will you get out of my life.. and quit dragging me down, quit making me scream and kick in frustration, drowning me, casting a shadow of gloom over me?
I can't go on like these..
But I have to. As I said before, I shall say it again. I don't control my life. Sure, my life is labelled 'Joanne', but certain people still have authority over it. Arrgh! The only person I want in authority over my life is God! Why do these people step in and disturb me, causing me anger & pain?
When will I be brave enough to put my foot down and say, "No more!"? When will I be brave enough to hurt the people closest to me?
The only thing that causes so much pain and anger in my life-piano. Maybe someday after I'm done with my piano lessons, I'll play the piano freely, free of the pain and despair. IF I ever get over this years of ordeal. I learnt piano since I was 5 year old. I was innocent, naive, and an idiot at that time to actually ASK to learn it.
If only I knew what a mess I got myself into the moment I open my mouth to ask that fateful question.
I never would have asked. My life would be so much better now, without this shadow of gloom hanging over me, threatening to engulf me at any moment.
I can imagine myself doing better in school & badminton if piano were out of my life. Why? Because the only thing that distracts me from studies is the depression of a coming piano lesson. The only thing that makes me less enthuastic about badminton is the thought of a piano lesson.
I'm sure few will understand how I feel. Piano to me is like a tiger tearing me up, not in the physical aspect but mentally. You sometimes dread things right? Well, imagine facing that feeling of dread EVERY SINGLE week.
It'd be like an invisible chain around you. You long to throw it off you, but you can't.
Sure, many enjoy their piano lessons. I don't. Everyone is different.
Doubt anyone my age got themselves into such a mess before. Those who take piano don't dread it like I do. I get a sinking feeling in my stomach the day before a piano lesson and on the day itself.
I'd rather face a 100 examinations than a piano lesson any day!
Arrgh. Spare me of my pain and despair.
Wishful thinking.
God bless
Joanne Lim
Webmaster@joannetmj.tk
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