It was a.. Break day.

Make or break.. well, it ended up break.

However, thanks to those who showed me support all the way. :-) Your messages, prayers and even visit (thanks Melody) have really encouraged me.

I now have to decide over several decisions. Tough ones. So.. I'm not deciding them. I'll pray over all these issues, and where God wills, I will go.

I was reminded of so many things today, whether these verses surfaced from memory, or given by friends.

Jesus being strengthened by the angel when he cried to God:

Luke 22:41-44
41 And He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and prayed, 42 saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” 43 Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. 44 And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.


When in distress:

Psalm 4:1
1 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me in my distress;
Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.


To have peace:

John 14:27
27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.


To quit being anxious:

Philippians 4:6
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

And Genesis 22... Where Abraham was asked by God to sacrifice his one and only son.. and he nearly did, until God stopped him.

How much am I willing to give up?

Most importantly, WHAT is God's will for me now?

Everything seems so temporal and earthly I've no qualms about giving up things now anyway. But I want to seek God's will.

Thank God for my parents' faith though. In the midst of this tribulation their faith seems stronger than ever before. They are both worried about my bro and I, we in turn are both worried about them.

Well, for now I've got to turn God in prayer.. If there is any time I feel He is real and right beside me, it is now. I can't believe I used to worry over trivial matters.

Whoever said life was easy???

And doing assignments is the last thing on my mind now. Yet that is what I have to do.. mostly just doing blind reading, trying to write a half-decent essay.

Just remembered I have to study for a quiz too. Yet another drawback in IPDA is the fact that I can't just skip class if I really don't feel up to it. Today I just sat through class, in a hazy, dazed way, wondering about the results. When I found out the results, it was as if.. it was expected, but.. reality struck, hard.

I'm wondering how I'll get through class tomorrow. And the day after. For the remaining of this semester, actually. If this were a normal college/form 6 I'll take a break from it already. Unfortunately, it isn't. With assignment deadlines to meet, quizzes, and the 'no skipping class' rule, I've got to drag this wretched body through it all. I wonder if time really heals all wounds? I doubt so.

Yet again I'm forgetting to commit it to God.

Lord, speak to me.

And I'm fine, really, to all who are wondering. As good as I can get. After all, this isn't about me.

God bless,
Jo