Tomorrow is the day..

I'm beginning to realise how many things I'll miss if I get a scholarship and go somewhere else..

Form 6 is looking pretty happy.

But am I so afraid to let go of things that I want to enter form 6?

Is the word 'afraid'?

Or just unwilling to let go?

I must learn to let go.. I guess.

Letting go is hard.

Yeah, it is. Very hard. That's why my room is filled with thrash. I can't seem to let go of stuff, memories of my past, memories of my years in school.

Either way, I've surrendered my future into God's hands, and I trust He will lead me on, whatever mysterious path it may be. When I surrendered all to Him, I thought it would be easy..

Then yesterday I saw the effect of it. The scholarship I had been studying so hard for, remember? The special education one? Well, all of a sudden they are offering it only to Science students this year. Previous years both Arts and Science students were allowed to apply for it..

My heart sank when I read that. It felt like, "What???" Then suddenly I was reminded of how I had surrendered my future, my life into His hands, and suddenly His thwarting of my future seemed.. divine. =)

Hence, I pulled my heart up again, (from the position it sank to =P) and told God, "Ok, it's Your plan, Your calling."

I'll apply instead for the TESL(Teaching English as a Second Language) scholarship, which was my 2nd choice all along. It may turn out to be a wiser choice after all, as I'll do my Masters in Special Ed. after that, so I'll be more flexible, whether as an English teacher, special ed teacher, or perhaps a therapist..

And really, that's about all I'll think about now.

If form 6->local u->dip. ed ->masters in special ed=roughly the same thing.. except that I get to keep my life in PJ. Hehehe.

Well not really, if I'm gonna be a teacher with the government then I can get posted to any part of Malaysia.. but really, I don't mind that. How often does one get to do that anyway? :-)

That aside, today I had my 2nd guitar lesson. My guitar teacher seems to be under the impression that I'm being forced to take lessons.. what a weird conclusion to make.. IMO anyway. If I were forced to do something I won't do it at all. Haha! But anyway, didn't bother to correct him on that opinion, I was just confused when he mentioned something along that line, and later on only figured out what he meant.

He said I'm a fast learner.. of which.. I think.. is.. slightly off... fast learner in other things, maybe. Badminton, some academic subjects, yeah. But a MUSICAL INSTRUMENT???! HAHAHAHA! That's a first. Wait till my previous piano teachers(note the letter S) hear that. *ROFL*

Okay, I know I used to give my piano teachers hell.. or near hell anyway. My last piano teacher was generally a very very nice lady.. until the middle of my lesson anyway. Haha. I remember she had a very good student just before my lesson, so that student always put her in an awesome mood. She'll be smiling and all. Then I used to pity the student AFTER me. She doesn't smile and greet that student at all, that student is fortunate if he/she didn't get scolded in the beginning of the lesson. Hahaha! Okay, I was a really bad student, I'll admit that.

Actually I too don't know why. I felt pressured into it I guess. I don't work well being forced. Haha. Badminton played a big role back then too, I preferred to play badminton over the piano. The piano seemed so.. anti-social and boring as compared to the adrenaline rush of preparing for a tough opponent in a big tournament, stepping up the podium to receive medals and prizes...

But now I've tapered down badminton.. the roar of the audience and adrenaline rush from the last tournament has faded away.. it's been too long since I've joined a tournament. Okay, I'm being overly dramatic here. Forgive me. Haha.

Anyway, no one seems overly anxious about tomorrow. Either that or everyone is hiding it really really well. In my opinion, the wait has been too long. People are no longer in suspense, they are just fed up of waiting. I am, anyway. Haha.

A very very interesting insight from my guitar teacher today: "You don't seem like the kind of girl who will go screaming and crying if she 7As instead of 9As."

LOL. He's right, I am not that kind of girl, but does it show that obviously?? Especially from someone who's only met me for the 2nd time.

I got my P license today. =) Will be driving to 1 Utama tomolo with friends! To celebrate the end of worry, fear, anxiousness, and suspense, no matter what the results are(to quote CP). =D


God bless
Joanne Lim
Webmaster@joannetmj.tk