Life..

WARNING: The following post may cause you to pity, sympathise, and comfort me. Should any of these happen in you, STOP reading immediately, leave my blogspot.tk and don't return until I'm happier. And DO NOT pity, sympathise or comfort me. I'm not seeking for any of that.

Life is depressing. Sad.

I've got piano tomorrow. I haven't practiced a single piece, nor memorised a single scale. Last week I memorised half of my scales, told my teacher that. She didn't seemed to understand plain simple English, and tested me on ALL my scales. Of course she didn't get the results she desired!

Stupid stupid stupid stupid piano! Please forgive my language.. my most sincere apologies if you are offended. But piano IS stupid. S-T-U-P-I-D-!

I don't think I can go on until grade 8.. I don't think I can even finish my grade 6. When(I use the word WHEN, not IF) I fail my grade 6, my teacher's gonna be mad.

I won't be upset when I fail my grade 6 practical. I'll know that I did NOT try my best(in fact, the total opposite) to pass.

So what if she's mad. Big deal.

Actually, it'll affect me a LOT when I fail my grade 6 practical. My teacher will push me harder than ever to rub the fact in that I failed my grade 6.

I never imagined that I'll actually give up trying something. Usually I push myself beyond the limit to achieve something. In the case of piano, I was trying to get through all the torturous years of piano. But I don't think I can go on anymore.

But I won't, and can't quit. I'll just go on with it like a zombie, lifeless, yet still there. I may make my teacher so frustrated she'd wish she never had me as a student.. I'm sorry for her. But it's not her fault. It's my fault. I should never have opened my stupid mouth and asked to learn how to play the piano.

Piano is interrupting my life, my studies, and badminton!

I can never enjoy myself thinking of the upcoming lesson. Even during badminton training today I couldn't play properly because of the feeling of dread in my stomach.

That feeling of dread has been there for a long time already.. it just emerges about 24 hours before my piano lesson. Since I was about 7, when I realised my greatest mistake in life.

Actually today a few other things made me mad, but I won't elaborate on the others lest I offend some people.

But the main cause of my gloom, my unliveliness during school and training.. was.. guess what?

You got it.

PIANO.

Get outta my life, piano! You hear me?

GET OUT! GET LOST! GO RUIN SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE! GO MAKE ANOTHER YOUNG GIRL DEPRESS!

Lord, grant me the strength to go on, please make sure that piano does that ruin my life totally, and grant me comfort in times of piano lessons.

God bless
Joanne Lim
Webmaster@joannetmj.tk