Hey Dad!

Forget about my last post, was just having an emo day at that time. :-)

I logged in your Facebook recently just out of curiosity.. your uni roommate was looking for you! Haha. Dear ol' dad, always into the latest techy event. I'm really really sorry you completely missed the iPad era, you would have LOVED it. Really!

I turned 21 this year! Mum gave me my keys to freedom... :P

I still have your final birthday gift to me.. The Yamaha keyboard! :D I still have yet to master keyboard playing but I will, someday, when I have more time to sit down and figure it out..

Anyway it's been exactly two years now.. well, you left us at 7.10pm actually so this post is kinda early. But anyway...

The Perdana car battery died.

The desktop and modem have been exhibiting extremely strange symptoms. Quite, quite spoilt already. :-(

The lights in our house is facing some kinda electrical crisis, with lights here and there blowing and not working even with new bulbs.

Our house phone is spoilt too, and I can't seem to find a replacement.. shops just don't sell phones these days.

Oh, and the Kenari is leaking although we sent it for repair a few times now.

The Vios power window is on its way to spoilt land.

So many problems, and I know that all these problems would not exist if you as our resident handyman were still around. Cars, lights, computers, leaking pipes, fixing things, paying bills... all these were handled by you. :-( Heck, even the lizard problem in our house would be solved by you.

2 years... another 3 years to go. I read that it'll take 5 years to recover from losing a loved one, but I don't believe the pain will ever go away. Someone once told me that she struggled to recall how her late brother's voice sounded like within a year.. but I strangely remember every detail about you. If I heard you calling me right now I'll recognise it... too bad you won't ever be calling me again.

I remember all our Yahoo! chat conversations when you were at work... and how we would chat right up to the point when you'll tell me you're leaving office to come home. Of course you would occasionally disappear to work but most times you entertained me before continuing your work. :-)

You were the one who was always willing to give me a chance to test out my wings.. encouraging me to drive everywhere, telling me to try out things I wanted to try out.. Never once discouraging me when I seemed to have stretched myself far too thin between too many activities.. why, now that I'm older I'm pretty sure you were active in everything when you were younger too! Ever since I could recall I've attended your hockey games, chess games, ping pong games.. and I'm told you were once active in your uni CF. And I saw your school leaving cert which listed down all your co-curricular activities.. Haha, you knew you had passed down that genes of yours to me. =P I would attend 4-5 school camps every year and you wouldn't object. =D

I was sure you'd object to me wanting to study English Literature as a degree but surprisingly you readily consented. :)

I remember your faith in my abilities... if I got 98% for a test, you'd ask why I lost the 2 marks. When I was panicking over Sejarah the night before my SPM paper, you opened my room door and told me to sleep, everything would come back to me during the exam. And it did! I remember you trying to convince me to take up my Law scholarship to Australia instead of my TESL one. I'm sorry, that didn't work out for me. Haha, I got your stubborn genes. =P

Sweetest of all, I remember how proud you were of my STPM results, how you'd tell every single visitor my results.. up to the last day. I'm sorry you only had 1 week to boast about my results.. I'm glad I made your last few days happy and pleasant. I like to think that you willingly left us so soon after my results because you knew your youngest kid would survive well without you.. I know the dreadful pain you went through throughout the 2 years, and in a way I was glad you were freed of all your crying and painful moaning.

I remember your despair when I received news that I would be doing my foundation in Kedah, few months after koko left for Australia. You thought you'll be having me home for another 2 years... you weren't prepared to let your 17 year old fly off.. sometimes I wished I hadn't, maybe certain things wouldn't have happened... but I don't really look back in regret because I am powerless to change the past.

And above all, I remember your optimism and faith when you received news about your 4th stage cancer. I remember looking at you and having faith simply because YOU were so optimistic.

I still sometimes pretend that I have a father on earth when I'm with my friends because the memories I have of you are still very fresh in my mind. I frequently tell my friends what you've taught me..

It has been a steep learning curve over the past 2 years, but I've achieved a lot in these 2 years.. I've completed my grade 4 & grade 6 classical guitar, and am on track to taking my grade 8 exam next year. You're the only one who would have been so proud of this.. Others just say I'm wasting my money on the classical guitar. Pity I never did learn from you! My CGPA is 3.97 as of now.. and I'll be representing UM to play badminton in UNIMAS, Sarawak this April! =) I'm sure you'll really be proud of that! Haha I remember how you used to videotape my games during tournaments..

I'm also trying to get into a course that will give me extra credit hours and a chance to experience life in a Southeast Asian country for a few days..

Spiritually I'm in the midst of searching answers to questions.. some questions you could have answered but me being me would always have to find my own beliefs instead of believing what I hear blindly.

Anyhow, just to let you know, you are very dearly missed by me.. and many others. Grandma claims the only good child she has who would take care of her left. :-(

Have a good time in a pain-free place, daddy! Here's a humongous hug! *HUUUGGG* Don't worry about me, I've got Joash! ;-)

Your cute & round daughter,
Char bor (As you always called me!)

PS: Nah, nice song! :-) Played it during worship practice today... guess I'm more alike to you than I ever taught I'll be dad.. I play the guitar now =D 'Tis an amazing song!