Through The Years

I miss camps :-(

In particular, Christ-centred camps.

I know, so random right.

Haven't been to any since.. I dunno when??

Used to attend 1-2 every single year without fail since I stepped into sec. school.

I think, camps always reflect my current stand with God. The arrogant 12-year-old I was in my first CF camp, a girl who didn't think she needed God (haha, I refused to up go for any prayers, was the only one who didn't go forth that year.. talk about pride) to the broken, angry 19-year-old girl I was when life underwent all sorts of unbelievable crises I myself can't believe it up to today.

So what does it mean when I've stopped attending camps altogether?

I don't know.

I'm not seen as a 'good Christian' lately, that much I know. (Especially in the eyes of 'better Christians.') But I don't mind, I'd rather be seen like this than a hypocrite who acts all holy-moly when I know my inside is a complete mess.

I have friends who come to me for answers. And it's always a dilemma for me: To give the Biblical answer that I would have given before, or to give the most truthful answer: "I don't know"? Most time it's the latter, because I really don't know. I've been searching, but until the day I find an answer that my heart can accept, all these are just shallow, empty words.

I've had people sit me down and try to work through my questions with me. Problem is, I know all the explanations they have. And I know the apologetics needed for them.

This song used to be the background of this blog, used to be the song I sang in my darkest hours.

May it someday ring with truth again.