Poor fella.
Anyway, what's been going on...
I've been meaning to, but just never got around it.
RIP Grandpa.
Dad's dad. He passed away on the 23rd of September, around 2pm. Mum and bro went back to Malacca first, and I went back with Joash after his exam paper the next day.
For those of you who didn't know, I'd been going back to Malacca more frequently before he passed away because he was very weak (which accounted for my exhausting first few weeks of lectures, weekends spent in Malacca), and I decided that making amends with that side of the family was a must. Enough of cold shoulders and silence between us, life's short enough that we can't keep doing that. People seemed rather apologetic on that side, though nothing can alleviate what they threw onto us, a family who'd just lost a husband and a father.
I'm blogging in a rather cryptic manner, aren't I. Oh well.
Anyway, granddad passed away peacefully, and the few weeks prior to his passing he'd been gradually getting weaker, and his state so much reminded me of dad in HIS last days it was quite, quite painful to endure. At least grandpa left in a much less painful manner... And I had a good chat with him the last time I visited him. (I did think of visiting him the week before he passed away but I never did, I should have... but. Oh well. I didn't, and that's that.)
Grandma, poor ol' grandma... I could only put my arm around her tiny frame as she sobbed her eyes out.. death, such a painful thing... death... life... death....
I remember what someone told me. And I've probably blogged it before. But just gotta repeat it. "We're not afraid of dying because we know where we're heading. But we live healthily because we care and love those who will be left behind, how they will hurt and suffer if we die." (This lady gestured to her young daughter as she said it.) Well, maybe it wasn't said in those exact words, but that's the gist of it. And each time I reflect back on those words, I wish everyone had the same unselfish love for others as this woman had. So many people today live for themselves... I suppose I've seen so so many people wail, despair and sob their eyes out (and I myself having endured all sorts of terrible pain) when their loved ones die... I simply don't understand how people can still be selfish.
During a poem discussion in class sometime ago, my lecturer asked if any of us had seen a grown man cry. She called it an "unnatural" and some other words along that line. I bitterly smiled as I had flashbacks of how many grown men I've seen cry. From young, working men to old, white-haired retired Datuks. And no, I don't think any less of men who cry. Life's a huge ball of sorrow at times, and only a stone-heart would keep tears in check.
Was supposed to blog more, but after typing all these my mind's gone all confuddled so I'm afraid I can't go on.. haha.
Anyway, really, life's good, just busy busy busy. And I've decided to make a comeback to badminton... haha... been away far too long, it's been tingling my nerves. The UM badminton captain asked me to train with the team... after declining for 2 whole semesters, I've decided to shove all cowardice aside, and join them. Hahaha. *Prepared to be the weakest player on the team* There are national back-up players on the team! -__-
Which is why I'm forcing CP to play badminton with me this weekend, I need to get a feel of the racquet after centuries of not playing! If I'm gonna embarrass myself on court alongside national players, I'm gonna do it in style! =P
Anyway, tired now,
God bless,
Jo
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