And I'm still alive!!!!
Barely. LOL.
I have walked and climbed so many many many flights of stairs the past few days that I think I've lost some weight!
Been sleeping 4-5 hours each night since Saturday night! And NO TIME for any afternoon naps. Monday-Thursday been waking up at 7.30am (I overslept on Tuesday though LOL most important day, 8.15am) and staying in campus till 8pm.. yesterday 11.30pm! Cause of our PKV's MSK (Malam Suai Kenal).
By this morning, when I dragged this wretched body up, it was so so so exhausted, but it felt like a broken-in horse. There was no more fight within to sleep, it just wearily KNEW that it HAD to get up and get on with life, no arguments, no compromises. Hahaha.
Only thing that kept me going was the fact that it would end soon! =D
A few nights ago I was so so so discouraged and tired and weary and stressed-out I felt like the world should have just ended. (Not to mention that Joash's line got cut due to Celcom's big blunder so there wasn't much he could do from where he was.) Thank God for a God-sent friend, Grace! She attempted to alleviate all my suicidal thoughts.. I wanted to resign from life that night. LOL. (My family didn't help much either, they added to my stress by nagging. Zzz.) Later on I attributed it to PMS because I finally thought I should WRITE down all the things which were stressing me out... and found the paper blank. Hahaha. -__-
I was in charge of PKV booth the past few days, it's about promoting PKV to campus students. And I had to be there to set things up each morning, and then pack things up. And to ensure that the booth had attendants there all the time, 9am-5pm. And today I had to find people to send to some nonsensical ceramah, all societies had to send people. I couldn't make it, but I managed to find some willing victims =D
Anyway, what really lifted my rather discouraged self was the number of first years who attended last night's MSK. I looked at the crowd and marveled at the fact that we didn't even have enough chairs! It just reminded me that all my work of going back and forth to HEP (Hal Ehwal Pelajar) in UM during the holidays and after the holidays to get paperwork settled was worth it. :-) It was a satisfactory feeling, and I'm very very glad to have met so many juniors (who were so so lost and were attempting to find people who could help them get their bearings right in UM).
And of course, church. So many of them were looking for churches to attend, having left their home churches back in their respective hometowns. Nothing more encouraging than to see young people these days eagerly looking for churches to attend...
So I think, despite everything that ever discouraged me, despite people around me who have discouraged and perhaps even affected my faith with their cynical point of views...
Lately I've been finding my old self again, the days before I hardened my heart. And it has been a gentle reminder of who I need to become again. Last Sunday I was realized the need to love others unceasingly, to love even if it hurts/inconveniences me. Because that's exactly the kind of love Christ had for us. No more selfish love, giving as much as I receive.
The past few days has been a fresh boost of encouragement + energy and reminds me that everything I do does not equal to nothing, and that I am still running the race, albeit in an exhausted manner due to circumstances. Running the race is mostly a very lonely journey, usually with discouragement/sneers/scorn instead of cheers from people around me. (I'm a 'good girl' and 'goody-two-shoes' and whatever other goody goody term you can find for me.) But despite having considered dropping out of the race many many times, His Grace has been sufficient for me to keep me going. And for that I'm grateful. :-) All we need to keep going at times is encouragement and support, to know that our work and sacrifice is worthwhile for other lives. :-)
Anyway, just a song that I hope I can live up to someday.
Have a very good, blessed weekend. I'm too brain-dead to continue.
God bless!
Jo
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