How now brown cow?

The TESL scholarship still isn't out.

But now dilemma lah.

If get then how?

JPA or MOE?

Yes I know people think I'm stupid if I pick teaching over law.

But hey, people thought I was stupid for picking Arts over Science. And I have absolutely positively no regrets over that decision.

Law isn't that bad..

Teaching isn't that bad..

How now brown cow??

JPA would be short term comfort, of course. Life in Taylor's will be great. But studying for law is tedious. It'll be some fun, but not as much as English. But. How?

Wo bu hui lah.

How now brown cow?

Life as a lawyer vs. Life as a teacher.

Hmm.

Okay lah, reason why I'm hesitant over the teaching one is because I'm afraid of change. I may have to leave my life in PJ next month if I get it. Then off to UK, then back again for the final year. Then another 5 years in some far away rural land.

I'm afraid of change. That's all.

Sounds simple.

But that's hard.

I like things I like to be at its status quo.

Because I don't like change.

Yes, I am a coward.

But I really don't like the thought of leaving my PJ life. Once I leave, there's no turning back.. I'll be away from PJ for at least 11 years(6 years of studying and 5 years in some rural area). And even after that I may not come back to PJ to teach.

*Sigh*

I know I've been rather perplexing lately. One moment I'm leaning towards MOE, the other hand I'm leaning towards JPA. I can't help it.

A few days ago I had made up my mind that I'll take up MOE if I get it. Why? Because I had a dream that I got it. And in the dream I was told that to be chosen for the TESL program was an honour, as few get chosen for it. It was a pretty vivid dream, one that I can remember details, names, faces, places. That's a pretty rare occurrence for me and my dreams.

But I don't like change. But I know I'll have to be independent soon enough.. But.. but...

So many buts in this post. So many unanswered questions. Frustrating.

Its been really trying lately. My future career hinges on a decision.

And I'm, as usual, afraid to surrender it all to God. I'm afraid He'll have a totally different plan for me. It pains me to say, "Your will be done, Lord." I hesitate to say that. I am afraid to say that.

Because you see. When I say that His will be done it WILL be done. And it may be something out of my comfort zone. If anything, it WILL be out of my comfort zone.

wo hai pa le.

But it's only when I have such dilemmas that I really really really depend on God for His will. I think when I can control things I tend to stop depending on God.. I suppose that's why I'm going through such a tumultuous period right now.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

But he made the right choice although his road was less-trodden.

As always, Lord, Your will be done.

3.14am now. Off to bed, had a full day today.

God bless,
Jo