A kind that induces others to follow.
IF I can even be labelled a 'leader'. Most people's impressions of leaders are: take-charge kind, obstinate, dominant, etc.
So.. I definitely DO NOT have these characteristics. Rather, I like to hear the opinion of others, those under me. Even in primary school when I was the group leader in the prefect board, I always let those under me pick the places they wanted to perform their duty at. It worked well, because they knew if they were late they would have to settle for a duty they may dislike. I usually took the duty no one chose. It worked fine with me, I could never feel comfortable if I picked the nicest duty and gave the others duties that they would be unhappy with.
But of course there are some who sneer at me for doing that.. for allowing those under me to have a choice. "Then why are you in charge of them??" is the usual question. *Shrugs* I am just not meant to order others around. Live with it. If I did something without the opinion of others and it made them angry, I'll be pretty unhappy and feeling selfish.
Someone once mentioned that I always back down in arguements. I didn't defend myself then.. it is true. Why?
Lol. Stupid as the reason may sound, I don't have that 'obstinate' and 'I am 200% right' voice. I've tried it before, but never could master it. Haha! So.. I usually wait for the 'obstinate' voice to quieten down before giving my opinion.. which usually start these kind of people off again. Lol! Precisely why I dislike arguements and quarrels as I'm too quiet to ever win one, unless the person is a level-headed person who is willing to debate about it WIHOUT the raising of voices.
Proverbs 12:18 mentions that rash words are like sword thrusts, but the words of the wise bring healing.
How true, isn't it? How often have we uttered words in a rage that have hurt others, like 'sword thrusts'? Trust me, these rash words that we utter hurt people deeper than any physical wound. A physical wound can heal, but a wounded heart? Only a forgiving person could forgive you for it.. and even that it will never be completely healed.
Or how often have we spoken without thinking? I can name you countless times I've regretted letting my tongue go, and also the number of times when I am relieved I kept my trap shut instead of blurting out angrily. Lately I've been controlling myself more, it's way easier than feeling guilty over it later. And also because Psalms and Proverbs mention that harsh words cause strife one way or other.
I have always been a cautious person, something that carefree people don't like, but.. I guess it's part of me. You have to learn how to be cautious after walking home alone for years, to enter an empty house.. and especially after seeing flashers. The one thing I haven't met yet is snatch thieves, and of course, I don't ever want to meet one. I always glance warily at motorbikes that are around me, and usually step aside to let them pass by me first. I'm more comfortable with motorbikes riding ahead of me rather than behind me. And cars that slow down while I am walking.. I too let these cars pass by before I continue walking. When walking towards deserted places, I attempt to walk behind a few women.. usually there are. LRT station mah. I choose main roads instead of lanes.
Anger is something I try my best not to harbour in my heart. But I'm also human.. how much can I take? Usually after a few talks I feel better though. But there are people out there still attempting to take advantage of me.. not taking advantage of my resources, but my patience. I know people think my patience is unlimited.. that they can abuse me verbally as much as they want without me getting angry.. *shrugs* I don't usually express my anger openly though, I don't ever want people to know that they've hurt me just because I tell them. I prefer people to realise.. of course, many times these kind of people are too hard-headed and hard-hearted to realise ANYTHING. Everything about them is perfect mah.. So I usually just withdraw myself.. keep my big mouth shut.
Just needed to rant a bit. Not very happy over some things.. so I needed to write my thoughts out. Just the surface lah.. if I were to post deeper stuff I'll have no secrets for myself already. Oh yeah, trust me. This is just the uppermost surface. Some of you may be able to read in between the lines.. but frankly, please don't. You may not like what you read in between the lines.
God bless
Joanne Lim
Webmaster@joannetmj.tk
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